“Advice to explorers everywhere: if you would like to recieve due credit for your discoveries, keep a detailed account of your journeys… — Cuthbert Soup Copy Share Image
Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I walked in thinking, 'I have ten movies under my belt and now they want me to go back to making commercials?'… — Orlando Jones Copy Share Image
Dear Facebook, i hate how you change yourself just because people tell you to. dont listen to them. you were fine just… — Emily Marinellihighschool Student Copy Share Image
A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My stand-up is more like how I am in real life. I don't really do a character thing in stand-up. It's just… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let's just wish each other a… — Judith Crist Copy Share Image
A serious warning to all my friends. drinking & driving is extremely dangerous . Sunday evening while driving, My friend took his… — Amit Verma Copy Share Image
It's certainly easy to mock some things ... Oddly enough though I've never found it easy to mock anything of value. Only… — Stephen Fry Copy Share Image
“There are four categories of questions Emmily asks: 1. Can I please go to the bathroom? 2. Where is the bathroom? 3.… — Jim Benton Copy Share Image
For me personally, I just don't have anything to prove anymore. I know exactly who I am, I know that I'm intelligent… — Emma Chamberlain Copy Share Image
The truth is, I've never thought of myself as the Michael Jordan of comedy. And that's a good thing. You know why?… — Tracy Morgan Copy Share Image
Today, a friend and I had a discussion about dinosaurs and came to the conclusion that T-Rex's were only angry and aggressive… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
For some reason and I don't know why, but I don't think that I'm funny in California. So I always want to… — Kevin James Copy Share Image
Upon looking back from the end of the last chapter and surveying the texture of what has been wrote, it is necessary,… — Laurence Sterne Copy Share Image
My wife's a loving, funny, Irish-spirited person, and I'm still surprised at some of the things she says. She makes me laugh… — Gary Sinise Copy Share Image
I notice my wife when she's on the phone with her friends, man they will share every animate details of their lives… — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
Life is a little easier for attractive people. Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and they’re attractive, you think,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
What I accomplished definitely wasn't achieved by myself. Without others, none of this would have been possible. — Emmitt Smith Copy Share Image
Whoever has not experienced the pleasure of taking a young lady to her first game of ball should seize the first opportunity… — John Montgomery Ward Copy Share Image
I'm in love with a lot of things. Some of those things love me back. And some of them don't--and one of… — Guy Berryman Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night.. You were balancing ten tiny footballs on your nose while dancing with a turquoise… — Amy Summers Copy Share Image
Sometimes, the other characters are too normal and then you start to be brought back to reality but then Luna shows up… — Evanna Lynch Copy Share Image
I'm sick and tired of our generation being called the TV generation. What do you expect? We watched Lee Harvey Oswald get… — Denis Leary Copy Share Image
“Let me be clear: I don’t want to make love to a mannequin—I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if… — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
A lot of people who do drama say comedy is the hardest thing, but, not wanting to sound like a bighead, comedy… — Nick Frost Copy Share Image
Every hairstyle I have is funny because my barber is a standup comedian by the slightly unfortunate name of Paul Sweeney. His… — Joe Lycett Copy Share Image
Don't let anything stop you. There will be times when you'll be disappointed, but you can't stop. Make yourself the best that… — Sadie Tanner Mossell Alexander Copy Share Image
Dumb ass people who think it's funny to make fun of someone who don't talk much like really just remember the quite… — Any Copy Share Image
You're in a relationship to be happy, to smile, to laugh, to make memories. not to constantly be upset, hurting and crying.. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Sometimes there's a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I've ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
A Fool will love thrice at a joke, 1. When others are laughing (2) when he knows its a joke (3) and… — Agbessi Charles Copy Share Image
“I picked up the nearest weapon I could lay my hands on: a stapler. I lifted it, going for “menacing.” I admit… — Rachel Hawkins Copy Share Image
I find it so funny how people that don't write the music, and have no involvement in it, can make such huge… — Cher Lloyd Copy Share Image
I'm not disciplined at all. I barely function. But I get a lot done. I take days off all the time, but… — Simon Sebag Montefiore Copy Share Image
Look at airport security now. What started out as definite racial profiling is now where the computer picks a name. That's why… — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
“What is that?" Dad said, looking at the doll. "It’s called the Scream," I said. "I know that, but what us it?”… — Douglas Rees Copy Share Image
I think I was always a pretty funny kid, making my family, friends, and classmates laugh. But I never realized it was… — Matt Rife Copy Share Image
You can succeed as a terrible director, but try doing that with stand-up: try being a terrible comedian and getting up on… — James Veitch Copy Share Image
“I was flipping channels, watching this cheerleading program on MTV. They took a field hockey girl and “transformed” her into a cheerleader… — Jess C Scott Copy Share Image
![“Look at airport security now. What started out as definite racial profiling is now where the computer picks a name. That's why you get a seven-month-old getting a pat down. [Imitates a security officer.] "Check the diapers. They're full."” quote by Robin Williams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e40/robin-williams-682_air-travel_look-at-airport-security-now-what-starte_1190040.jpg)
