The Christian church is a society of sinners. It is the only society in the world membership in which is based upon… — Charles Clayton Morrison Copy Share Image
Females need to search for a man with goals and ambition because 10 years from now swag isnt gonna pay your bills . — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“...I'm worried I will leave grad school and no longer be able to speak English. I know this woman in grad school,… — Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Copy Share Image
My gurl not allowed 2 mail off letters...wtf she lick'N a envelopes fo...my dick da only thang she should b lick'N — IG:catone_2_funny Copy Share Image
I definitely have had a couple of years where I've been working constantly, but it never goes away, that worry that you'll… — Chloe Pirrie Copy Share Image
What's interesting about Laurel and Hardy is that in most comedy teams, there's a straight man, and then there's the funny guy.… — Christopher Guest Copy Share Image
Stop editing your pics. ...What if you go missing? How do you expect us to find you if you look like Beyonce… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Comparison of two sayings : Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try… — Ali Yar Khan Copy Share Image
Please figure this out and get back to me asap even though it would take me less time to do it myself… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Lying in bed in the middle of the night trying to decide if its worth it to get up and pee or… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Eyebrows are really important because they structure the face. In school it was funny because I was always the one walking around… — Rita Ora Copy Share Image
There are all these ways to write. All these ways to make a character funny... And it's been really exciting to feel… — Eva Victor Copy Share Image
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“All of a sudden Yutaka realized he had created a cloud of dust all around him. Oh no! No! This sucks. This… — Koushun Takami Copy Share Image
Funny is funny. If it's funny enough to women, it will be funny to men. I think that's been proven by Broad… — Nikki Glaser Copy Share Image
“Now I really feel sorry for her. Your hand is as bad as Rob’s paddle,” Cassie shuddered. “Thank you.” “I didn’t mean… — Breanna Hayse Copy Share Image
“I seem to be allergic to whatever that terrible smell is," said Gateman when the urge to sneeze had finally subsided. "What… — Cuthbert Soup Copy Share Image
It's so funny: at 'SNL,' Bill Hader always kind of treated me like his little sister and would kind of, like, lovingly… — Vanessa Bayer Copy Share Image
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, 'Send one of my bags to New York, one to Los Angeles, and… — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
You know what? I never really factor Hollywood into anything. I'm a black actor, so I can't really control what Hollywood thinks.… — Jamie Foxx Copy Share Image
I used to work at the unemployment office. I hated it, because when they fired me, I had to show up to… — Wally Wang Copy Share Image
“Crime writers, I've noticed, can be jumpy. They live in a world where there are murderers on the loose and they haven't… — Sara Sheridan Copy Share Image
“I pull his hand up to my chest. "It's okay. Some of my best friends are in the mob. It must be… — Giorge Leedy Copy Share Image
The most valuable of all human possessions, next to a superior and disdainful air, is the reputation of being well-to-do. — H. L. Mencken Copy Share Image
When the boys at school found out I had a potentially fatal peanut allergy, they used to hold me up against a… — Milton Jones Copy Share Image
Roosevelt could always keep ahead with his work, but I cannot do it, and I know it is a grievous fault, but… — William Howard Taft Copy Share Image
I love some of the most hateful tweets. I think they're very funny. In the negative attacks on me, there are frequently… — Lawrence O'Donnell Copy Share Image
A Sardar was working 1st time in a garment shop. A customer girl asked: Underwear dikhana plz. Sardar thora sharmakar: G aaj… — Sadie Copy Share Image
Audience laughter, when it's deserved, acts as a sort of fairy dust that makes funny moments not just funny, but joyous. — Graham Linehan Copy Share Image
The funny thing as an actor is that you show up on the set, and your key goal really is to make… — Benjamin Bratt Copy Share Image
I often say if men were meant to fly we would have been born with either feathers and wings or at the… — John Zakour Copy Share Image
“Yo, beautiful. Come pop this collar off me.” Natalya hissed, “Are you mad?” “What’s she gonna do? Vivisect me? Imprison me? We’ve… — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
The media know exactly what they're doing, focusing our attention on Arsenio's hairdo. We need to keep our brains brimming with rubbish.… — Cynthia Heimel Copy Share Image
I had to act in a school play when I was about ten years old. I really didn't want to do it.… — Kristen Stewart Copy Share Image
I listen like mad to any conversation taking place next to me just trying to hear why this is funny. Women's restrooms… — Lynda Barry Copy Share Image
The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with… — Nelson Algren Copy Share Image
I've been a fan of accents my whole life. I love trying to parrot or mimic voices that I hear every day,… — Paul Walter Hauser Copy Share Image
I'm a little bit scared of everything. It's kind of funny. Whenever people ask me how I'm feeling, I'm like, 'I don't… — Rico Nasty Copy Share Image
But ye gotta know where ye're just gonna rush in. Ye cannae just rush in anywhere. It looks bad, havin' to rush… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
