“Although initially only few in numbers, it seems my gray hairs have launched an effective peer-pressure campaign intended to convert the others.” — Steve Maraboli Copy Share Image
Normally, I try not to pay attention to my haters, but this time I'd like to talk about it, because my haters… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
There was also a hunger strike in front of the National Press Club, which seemed an odd place to have a hunger… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Randy and I were goggle-eyed as we gazed over the wonders of what Walt Disney had wrought. It was a magnificent demonstration… — Jack Paar Copy Share Image
I have some speakers up here, thank God, because last night I didn't have them and I was telling jokes and I… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
When you involved in an accident and someone asks "are you alright?" Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I feel like in our society there is definitely still a lot of underlying sexism. It's funny how many guys are surprised… — Nina Nesbitt Copy Share Image
“We made it back to the airport without getting mugged, stoned, shot at, pounced on, bombed, shelled, garroted, gassed, pitched into, caught… — Daniel Quinn Copy Share Image
There are few things more amusing in the world of politics than watching moderate Republicans charging to the right in pursuit of… — Mario Cuomo Copy Share Image
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Woman say:I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS. Woman means:We're gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“I should mention, by the way, that LVR stands for Luminal Velocity Regulator. I suppose it could also stand for Large Venezeulan… — Cuthbert Soup Copy Share Image
I don't get a chance to be funny with the thrillers. I like to be funny, and I think I am really… — James Patterson Copy Share Image
You will miss a normal life while living a successful life, but not as much as the craving for a successful life… — Amit Kalantri Copy Share Image
It's so funny because my mom is Thai and my dad is this big American guy - and our food tastes were… — Chrissy Teigen Copy Share Image
“Is that what you were doing in my room?” he asks after a moment. I sigh. Why am I telling him any… — Rachel Morgan Copy Share Image
You should definitely have a travel agent. Why go through all the hassle of dealing with airlines, hotels, and rental-car agencies yourself,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what's surprised me is… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I watched 'The Neighbors' when it first came on, and I thought it was hysterical. And every time I think something just… — Rhea Perlman Copy Share Image
The fact that Manti Te'o thought for a long time that he was dating, like, a fake girl and then that she… — Dave Portnoy Copy Share Image
I went to the park and saw this kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Best friends one, and now we have almost nothing to say to each other. It was interesting, how he had joined those… — Markus Zusak Copy Share Image
“Gideon could not imagine any other young unmarried woman of his acquaintance passing up the opportunity to snare, if not himself, then… — Anne Gracie Copy Share Image
It's funny because as a rapper, there is - and this is something that Clipping challenges all the time - there is… — Daveed Diggs Copy Share Image
One big favor.? can use all PLEASE PLEASE like this page. there super amazing. & sadly they got hacked on there other… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“You don't want him," she said to the pink-haired girl. "He has syphilis." The girls stared. "Syphilis?" "Five percent of people in… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
“I hate being unwell,' he says. 'You're not sick,' Jude tells him. 'You are recovering from being stabbed- or rather, throwing yourself… — Holly Black Copy Share Image
“After all, this was the place where I’d had my first meaningful conversation with a female, it was the site of a… — Weston Locher Copy Share Image
“I'll get them out and come back. I promise." "On your word as a cutthroat and a pirate?" He touched my cheek… — Leigh Bardugo Copy Share Image
A lot of my stories about the old days, they're delicious and funny. But every time I recall the early days, it's… — Mario Cuomo Copy Share Image
Girls on Periods - I'm fine. I hate you. I love you. I want ice cream. Come here. Get away. You're cute.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving, you get food. Christmas, you get gifts. New Year's, you have drinks. Valentine's, you have sex. Birthday, you can do all… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Madame will forgive me for not perceiving her busyness. It is a sign of the highest breeding to be able to be… — Louis de Bernières Copy Share Image
“Because when I first saw you I thought─no, I knew─you were special. Because I still think that every time I look at… — Elizabeth Scott Copy Share Image
Personnely I think that conservatives & liberals should move towards the middle of the road. Makes it easier to run'em over. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Last, but by no means least, courage - moral courage, the courage of one's convictions, the courage to see things through. The… — Douglas MacArthur Copy Share Image
Meanwhile, the minute you put on the dotted line your Sam Hancock - and before a notary - you'll not only get… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“I stared down into his handsome face while my mouth gaped like a fish. Oh my good God. No wonder I had… — Nichole Chase Copy Share Image
Being funny, it turns out, is like being a bank. It's a confidence trick. As long as everyone believes in you, you… — Evan Davis Copy Share Image
“You know it feels good. I can hardly geta…I don’t even…” There was something amusing about watching him trying to form a… — Charlotte Stein Copy Share Image
