That moment when the ugliest guy you know gets a girlfriend and your still single. — Mario Tomasello Copy Share Image
Isn't it about time that we stopped wasting so much time on what a person prefers? — Karl Malone Copy Share Image
Only what is fated to die is capable of living. Only what dies lives. — Giannina Braschi Copy Share Image
I'm sorry, and by sorry I mean get over it and stop acting like a 5 year old. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Your name is a funny thing. It stands for what you're about, and everything I do is really about pride. — Tom Ford Copy Share Image
Did you do your makeup this morning, or did you just get gangbanged by Crayola? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Relatives come to your house and make fun of you. Then you go as a relative to their house and make fun… — Nitya Prakash Copy Share Image
The funny thing I thought was, no matter what, people talked bad about cops. But as soon as something bad happened, when… — Benson Henderson Copy Share Image
“Nix and Emma: 'Looks like you just found a new talent.' 'Great. Why couldn't I be good at underwater origami or something?” — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
All the dramas I admire most - 'Six Feet Under,' 'The Sopranos' - even when the scenes aren't laugh-out-loud funny, per se,… — Jesse Armstrong Copy Share Image
I don't need beer to have a good time, I just need it to focus, avoid depression, good tweets, fall asleep, and… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“So I flirt with disaster once or twice. Who doesn’t?” He snorted. “You don’t just flirt with disaster, you have intercourse with… — Dannika Dark Copy Share Image
“Was she pregnant then?' asked Assad. Judging by the number of family members in his photos, it was a feminine condition with… — Jussi Adler-Olsen Copy Share Image
I love Charles Barkley, he's a good friend of mine and he's a funny guy. He knows nothing about college basketball. Less… — Jim Boeheim Copy Share Image
It was hard doing scenes with Bobby Cannavale because I would break up laughing because he's so funny. — Peter Dinklage Copy Share Image
Who says English is easy? Then fill the blank with either YES, NO or MAYBE. Oh____, I am Monkey. — Jeferson Bregano Copy Share Image
You can thank your lucky stars that everything I wish for will never come true. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When people try to call me an angel but spell angle. Am I at least acute angle? :) — Sarahi Gonzalez Copy Share Image
She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!" — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
“Sneaky would be a lime-green Volkswagen. Nobody would suspect the assassins in the lime-green Volkswagen.” — Adam Rex Copy Share Image
Phone on silent : 10 missed calls. Turns volume to loudest : Nobody calls All damn day. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When he time comes to leave, just walk away quietly and don't make any fuss. — Banksy Copy Share Image
In a way, I feel sorry for the children of our generation. They'll have parents who know how to check browsing history. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We were talking briefly about cocaine... yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that! — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
I know that in my own personal life, the people who I have dated who are funny can get away with a… — Gaby Hoffmann Copy Share Image
8 year old kids today have Facebook, MacBook pro, iPhone, iPad. When I was their age, I had a coloring book, crayons,… — Rashida Rowe Copy Share Image
The difference between farce and humour in literature is, I suppose, that farce strums louder and louder on one string, while humour… — V. S. Pritchett Copy Share Image
“Bak stood a moment, as though considering whether the sum total of their shared working life was ending in a minus or… — Jussi Adler-Olsen Copy Share Image
I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm… — David Cross Copy Share Image
It's never a matter ever, ever - are - we're never trying to gross anybody out, or ever are we trying to… — Jay Chandrasekhar Copy Share Image
“Ronan's bedroom door burst open. Hanging on the door frame, Ronan leaned out to peer past Gansey. He was doing that thing… — Maggie Stiefvater Copy Share Image
BOY: I luv u girl and I want u 2 be my babe. GIRL: I accept but no sex bcos I want… — Newlove Copy Share Image
