The awkward moment when your saying the alphabet becauseyou can't remember what comesnext — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you can’t advertise yourself, what hope do you have of advertising anything else? — David Ogilvy Copy Share Image
I check out my MySpace. I'll go on sites to see what's funny on YouTube. — Gilbert Arenas Copy Share Image
Sunglasses: Allowing you to stare at people without getting caught, It's like Facebook but real life..:) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A lady once called 911 because her local McDonalds had ran out of McNuggets. — Amit Verma Copy Share Image
To meet, to know, to love, to share then to part is the sad tale of the human heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
We are often confident even when we are wrong, and an objective observer is more likely to detect our errors than we… — Daniel Kahneman Copy Share Image
It's funny, the only song I didn't want to do originally was 'Oh So Quiet.' And it was the best performance and… — Saara Aalto Copy Share Image
I've always liked being funny and making people laugh. I was a cut-up when I was a kid and was always doing… — Busy Philipps Copy Share Image
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I love nothing better than a dirty cartoon. I think that it's really, really funny to see adult themes in a genre… — John DiMaggio Copy Share Image
“Irene gasped. "Have you taken leave of your senses, Stuart?" she hissed. "Have you?" Stuart closed his eyes. "No," he said. "Au… — Alexander McCall Smith Copy Share Image
Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Marcus couldn't believe it. Dead. A dead duck. OK, he'd been trying to hit it on the head with a piece of… — Nick Hornby Copy Share Image
An education, other than purely professional or technical, can even seem to be an impediment. — Allan Bloom Copy Share Image
I just want to be funny and do things! Being hot is work - that's another job. — Janelle James Copy Share Image
Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
Politicians and diapers need to be changed regularly, usually for the same reason. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I said You look terrific. I really meant Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm funny on camera sometimes. In life, once in a while. Once in a while. — Gene Wilder Copy Share Image
I'm a very funny man, so funny comes natural. And if you want to create horror, you need to be funny or… — Nicolas Winding Refn Copy Share Image
Regardless of our age, experience, or station in life, we are all missionaries. — David A. Bednar Copy Share Image
Everything I sang sounded awful. So I went outside and I screamed. Everyone pretty much agreed it was awful. — Reese Witherspoon Copy Share Image
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“Do you want me to murder everyone here?!” "“Yes! They’re bad guys!” — Jess-Liz Cross Copy Share Image
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks. — Joe E. Lewis Copy Share Image
When a man is part of his canoe, he is part of all that canoes have ever known. — Sigurd F. Olson Copy Share Image
One of my goals in life? To finish a tube of chapstick before loosing that motherfucker! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Nay, Madam, when you are declaiming, declaim; and when you are calculating, calculate. — Samuel Johnson Copy Share Image
If you fall once, get up. If you fall twice, get up. If you fall for the third time, tie your shoelaces! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And Thought leapt out to wed with Thought Ere Thought could wed itself with Speech. — Alfred Lord Tennyson Copy Share Image
