Sorry shoppers on Black Friday will block and tackle better than your football team on Thanksgiving. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
LOVE is like the action similar to an hourglass: the heart fills as the brain empties. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There are only two places in the world where time takes precedence over the job to be done. School and prison. — William Glasser Copy Share Image
Note To Females: You cant blame the entire male genre just because you were attracted to some assholes. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I would rather be my own tyrant than have someone else tyrannize me. — Henry Flagler Copy Share Image
Want someone to stop texting you? send em this text: SERVICE ERROR 56: MESSAGE DELIVERY FAILED. FURTHER MESSAGES WILL BE CHARGED TO… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The boys, they are laughing: 'Oh, you are boxing. Very funny.' But I always challenge when people are laughing - 'I'll show… — Mary Kom Copy Share Image
I find it quite funny how other players or fans can do what they want to goalies who stand there on their… — Aaron Ramsdale Copy Share Image
As the funny guy, the funny frat bro, any time I try out for that role, I get it. Like, I walk… — Logan Paul Copy Share Image
“St. Clair gets a crush on Anna. He's torn between her and Ellie, and he spends so much time running between them… — Stephanie Perkins Copy Share Image
'Remember, nothing says good job, like a firm, open-palm slap on the behind!' - Sexual Harassment Training Video — Anonymous Copy Share Image
From now on, we're home schooling you. Whatever we don't know, you don't know. When did the Korean War start? I don't… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
“Cooking without wine is like sex alone. You may get the job done, but you don't really care once it's over.” — Andrew Grey Copy Share Image
I never think I want to try to be funny. And humor, if there is anything funny, should come from a real… — Molly Shannon Copy Share Image
Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy! — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I went to a garage sale. 'How much for the garage' 'It's not for sale.' — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
You are not in charge of the universe; you are in charge of yourself. — Arnold Bennett Copy Share Image
I do think funny is like sexy. You're either funny and sexy, or you're not. — Christine Baranski Copy Share Image
If I can write everything out plainly, perhaps I will myself understand better what has happened. — Sherwood Anderson Copy Share Image
“Soak blanket in gravy and make a delicious brick wrap. Serve in All Gravy Room at the Mandrake Hotel.” — Christoph Fischer Copy Share Image
Through patience and certainty, leadership in the religion is obtained. — Ibn Taymiyyah Copy Share Image
Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses? — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
The power to do things for people is also the power to do things to people. — Isabel Paterson Copy Share Image
I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Are we not formed, as notes of music are, For one another, though dissimilar? — Percy Bysshe Shelley Copy Share Image
If she thinks a vibrator is just a setting on a phone, she's too young for you bro. — Cheyenne Copy Share Image
Apparently you aren't allowed to have problems if you aren't a starving african child or a delhi rape victim. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Success comes from persistently improving and inventing, not from persistently promoting what’s not working. — Derek Sivers Copy Share Image
