Funny Quotes · Page 867

Beauty is not democratic; she reveals herself more to the few than to the many...

— C. S. Lewis

At some point, I told myself: the dress doesn’t own you, you own the dress! So act like it and attack.

— Magdalena Frackowiak

Let's see a 3-D movie about piranhas that feed on D-list actors.

— Anonymous

On being the guest of honor at an awards banquet: "Thank you for making this day necessary."

— Yogi Berra

I feel a profound connection to you based on the music in your shared iTunes folder.

— Anonymous

People don't buy what you do; they buy what you stand for.

— Simon Sinek

“If the pen is mightier than the sword, a sharpie must be plain deadly!”

— Tom Althouse

When your mother is mad and asks you, Do I look stupid? it's best not to answer her.

— Anonymous

Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It…

— P. J. O'Rourke

This is quite difficult 'cause I have a really flat head, and so it's quite difficult to get a correct angle. And…

— Robert Pattinson

“Mr. Taylor has this habit of emphasizing his point by using three adjectives or verbs in a row. 'Class, you must know,'…

— Randa Abdel-Fattah

Many Americans follow pro basketball from November through June, for reasons that I found unexplainable, other than the fact that they were…

— Dan Jenkins

Moscow has changed. I was here in 1982, during the Brezhnev twilight, and things are better now. For instance, they've got litter.…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I was in the hospital today and saw this cute guy with a cast on his leg and my first thought was…

— Anonymous

Over the years, I learned that in my career, unlike in life, sometimes my wheelchair is its own automatic door opener. I…

— Zach Anner

I really don't like drunk women; I think it is such a bad look. I think it's very inappropriate and I don't…

— Gwyneth Paltrow

I bet my relationships would be more stable if I dated non-existent people who died.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.

— Will Rogers

I have discovered photography. Now I can kill myself. I have nothing else to learn.

— Pablo Picasso

I have just dropped into the very place I have been seeking, but in everything it exceeds all my dreams.

— Isabella Bird

Just because you are a good friend of a scorpion doesn't mean that you can't be stung by a bee.

— Vikrant Parsai

Sometimes, the only thing left to do is to let go even if it's the hardest thing to do.

— Nikhil Saluja

What makes a champion is not how elegantly you start, but how strongly you finish...!!

— Robin Sharma

If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!

— Chris Rock

Hide the good you do, and make known the good done to you.

— Ali ibn Abi Talib

Happy Grandparents Day from someone who will probably be the end of this family's lineage.

— Anonymous

“American girls shivered and quivered at the Aussie accent whispered against their bodies.”

— Cristin Harber

I dont mean to sound like a bitch but...oh wait yes I do!

— Ana

Please suggest a movie for us to see so that I can find out if you have terrible taste.

— Anonymous

SLVR, as a 'sexier' looking device, will do better for Motorola than the ROKR.

— Phil Taylor

Everyone knows what a hypocrite is. That's the guy who gripes about the sex, violence and nudity on his VCR.

— Zig Ziglar

The future belongs to you, but it can only belong to you if you participate and take charge

— Kofi Annan

Most people deal with grief in an awkward way, and that can be funny.

— John Cho

Be victorious in the home, and you are victorious everywhere.

— E. Stanley Jones

What's that plate that's above a saucer but below a plate?

— Karl Pilkington

I didn't respond to that. I'm not scared of heights. I'm just scared of falling from heights.

— John Zakour

It's so much easier to measure life in experience points.

— Felicia Day

When there's a lot of it around, you never want it very much.

— Peg Bracken

Girls are funny. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.

— Ritu Ghatourey

I don't have a great sense of humor, but I do have a great sense of nonsense.

— Nikhil Saluja