“Funny how people could be around you for so many years, and be so off the mark.” — Lauren Oliver Copy Share Image
Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 2 — MaryAnne Tebedo Copy Share Image
“My ex wants to come and rescue me.’ ‘Too late! I already rescued you. Who does this guy think he is?” — Brynn Kelly Copy Share Image
If you ever want to see a man cry..Put a beer in one hand and a naked woman in the other..And..MAKE HIM… — Shubham Joshi Copy Share Image
I'd love to be able to fit in a box. Like one of those people who fit into small boxes. I'd love… — Robert Pattinson Copy Share Image
“The Schnauzer listens to jazz. I listen to jazz because he likes it, and I have even gone to jazz concerts with… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
There is nothing more amusing than when two people known for being non-objective argue over objectivity. This is the summation of Keith… — Dana Loesch Copy Share Image
I just read an article on the dangers of drinking.Scared the shit out of me.So that's it!After today no more reading. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Your sweetheart isn't too happy about this," Shay said, still smiling. I looked toward the back of the room. Ren watched us,… — Andrea Cremer Copy Share Image
Im afraid of three things: Women, snakes, and the police. They all have the ability to hurt me and make it look… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
In the 1998 Oscars, I found myself in the bathroom in a stall, next to Tom Selleck. So I leaned over and… — Tom Hanks Copy Share Image
Writing for 'Rooster' was a strange experience. It's funny, once you tap into a voice, words just start to flow. You know… — Jez Butterworth Copy Share Image
The thing about glitter is if you get it on you, be prepared to have it on you forever. Because glitter doesn't… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her. — WC Fields Copy Share Image
This country is so urbanized we think low-fat milk comes from cows on Nutri/System weight-loss plans. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
It's funny. I change depending on what I'm around, and who I'm around. I've always been like that. — Aldous Harding Copy Share Image
“I was overreacting. I tend to do that when imagining someone wearing my skin as a cape.” — Nadine Hays Pisani Copy Share Image
My ex changed his Facebook status tosuicidal and on the edge.. so I poked him. — Camille Cassie Govender Copy Share Image
It's always funny to watch the scene that you know took a thousand takes. — Annie Murphy Copy Share Image
You would never know if you could ever be, If you never try, you would never see. — Lupe Fiasco Copy Share Image
I was feeling very irritable. It was that difficult time of the month when the credit card statement arrives. — Julie Walters Copy Share Image
It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun... ladies. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
If I had said everything I was thinking out loud,I would definitely have lost my job a LONG time ago. — Abhishek Tiwari Copy Share Image
Admit it, You've paired last names with your name to see if they sounded good together. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think it's funny that people who treat you like sh*t get offended when you finally do the same to them. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Woman who springs on innerspring this spring, gets offspring next spring. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Who riseth from a feast With that keen appetite that he sits down? — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
