I may be old enough to know better, but I am STILL young enough to DO IT — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?" All the time. — Wendy Mass Copy Share Image
WHEN YOU GOING THROUGH SOMETHING YOU CANT SEE HOW FUNNY ITS GONNA BE LATER SO LAUGH NOW!! — LEONARD PAUL ROSE Copy Share Image
I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Men are like parking spaces, all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That's the fastest time ever run - but it's not as fast as the world record — David Coleman Copy Share Image
Confucius says Love one another. If it doesn't work, just interchange the last two words. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
“Bella,leave the aggressive stuff to me." My heart quirks in my chest. I may not like this guy but that sounded so… — Jenny B. Jones Copy Share Image
The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Let's do as little as humanly possible until Labor Day so we'll have the energy to do slightly more than that afterwards. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Alvin smiled back, and kissed her. "People talk about fools counting chickens before they hatch. That's nothing. We name them.” — Orson Scott Card Copy Share Image
Judd Apatow, Conan O'Brien ... taking what you think is funny, and then adding another layer to it. That's kind of my… — Joe Buck Copy Share Image
'Power' is a funny thing. Maybe it's a show that draws people in because they are watching people do things they secretly… — Omari Hardwick Copy Share Image
Love or hate me .your choice but to choose you have to think about me .so never say you didn't think about… — Miranda Copy Share Image
I did not want to turn to playing golf because golf is about as much exercise as shuffling cards. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
In my youth I hoped to do great things; now I shall be satisfied to get through without scandal. — Walter Bagehot Copy Share Image
There is a light which cannot ever be extinguished. It is inside of you... It is you. — Neale Donald Walsch Copy Share Image
The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it. — Sidney Littlewood Copy Share Image
Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
“I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am.” — Gustave Eiffel Copy Share Image
If you have never read the Protocols, you know nothing about the Jewish question. — Henry Hamilton Beamish Copy Share Image
All those tears I cried over you were enough to make a pool, I hope you damn drown in that pool — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Not only does he have the NFC East record for touchdowns, but also the team record. — Emmitt Smith Copy Share Image
I'm not so much interested in the return ON my money as I am in the return OF my money. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
Unix gives you just enough rope to hang yourself - and then a couple of more feet, just to be sure. — Eric Allman Copy Share Image
My historical knowledge of the French Revolution is based on 17 viewings of History of the World, Part I. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
