“We should change the name of AR-15s to 'Marco Rubio' because they are so easy to buy” — Sarah Chadwick Copy Share Image
When you look up 'hilarious' in the dictionary, there's a picture of you. — Jonathan Safran Foer Copy Share Image
I attend the greatest of all Churches. I put a capital N on Nature, and call it my Church. — Frank Lloyd Wright Copy Share Image
Robert Pattinson must be the only guy in the world who enjoys his girlfriend being on her period. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That moment when you lose all respect for that person you use to like... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The reason why we have two ears and only one mouth is that we may listen the more and talk the less. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Warm, aquamarine eyes stared into him—providing a lifeline to shore. And he wondered if she was really the one who needed saving… — J. Rose Black Copy Share Image
Everybody does that now. We all take pics... you do the same with holiday photos. You record something to look back on… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
The funny part about my anger is that a lot of times when it comes out a little bit and I get… — Jon Rahm Copy Share Image
'The will of the nation' is one of those expressions which have been most profusely abused by the wily and the despotic… — Alexis De Tocqueville Copy Share Image
You don't truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Daniel Bryan is a friend of mine. It's sort of funny that the relationship that you saw between Team Hell No on… — Kane Copy Share Image
I'm pretty private about my neuroses. You're not neurotic if you talk to yourself - everyone does - you're only neurotic if… — Rachel Weisz Copy Share Image
I listened to this interview once with Jerry Seinfeld that really influenced my comedy and all of my writing, which is that… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
My 'check engine' light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You know, when a man is raped you never hear about what he was wearing. — George Takei Copy Share Image
True love never has a happy ending, because there is no ending to true love. — Alexander the Great Copy Share Image
I am as content to die for God's eternal truth on the scaffold as in any other way. — John Mason Brown Copy Share Image
I'm still waiting for the, 'Once you go black, you never go back.' episode on Mythbusters. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sorry Boss's Day is awkward since you are, were, or should be screwing your boss. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
In my studio I'm as happy as a cow in her stall. That's the only place where everything is all right. — Louise Berliawsky Nevelson Copy Share Image
Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner. — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
The older I got, the more willing I was to go into the Southern vernacular, because some of it's funny. — Keith Jackson Copy Share Image
If I had my hand full of truth, I would take good care how I opened it. — Bernard le Bovier de Fontenelle Copy Share Image
I got letter from a person named 'you know who'… Wait,why the hell is Voldemort sending me letters?! — Author Name Copy Share Image
It's funny how you can tell who likes who, but yet, can't tell who likes you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate retards all they have to do is say their alphabet and they pass the ninth grade! — Madison Copy Share Image
You are because I am and I am because you are. We are one another's strength. — T. B. Joshua Copy Share Image
A baby just posted a picture of its mothers breast and labeled it as food porn. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I hate it when I accidentally use a instead of a and it makesthe whole conversation sexual — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Whats a male chauvinist pig? A guy who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Thanks to the catastrophic greenhouse effect, Labor Day no longer signifies the end of summer. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You can tell a lot about a person by their car… For example, if it's in a ditch, it's a woman. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
