That magic moment when Everyone becomes your best friend because you brought gum — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Please join me at the beach to help detract attention from my body abnormalities. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Woman say:OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF. Woman means:I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going Dutch. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sheep are stupid, and have to be driven. But goats are intelligent, and need to be led. — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“I love that there's such a rivalry. It's like, leaf water versus bean water, ya know?” — Robyn Schneider Copy Share Image
It's a funny thing when you think you're dead. You're not terrified of it anymore. There's a sort of a epiphany to… — David Lange Copy Share Image
That Awkward moment when you don't know what to answer when someone asks you what the date since you don't want to… — Junior Dè Rèál Testament Copy Share Image
Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You put funny people in funny costumes and paint them green and we could talk about anything we wanted to, because that… — Majel Barrett Copy Share Image
“The toddler started making this whine/moan noise while pawing at Tabitha. I know as a woman I'm supposed to have this innate… — Cindi Madsen Copy Share Image
I do believe that on a whole, women are definitely smarter than men... I also believe that dogs are smarter than women.… — David Cross Copy Share Image
“I guess I could go and get a bunch of knives from the Kitchen aisles and throw them at the intruders. So… — Emmy Laybourne Copy Share Image
Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than… — Dick Brandon Copy Share Image
Television: The word is half Greek, half Latin. No good can come of it. — C. P. Scott Copy Share Image
Never globalize a problem if it can possibly be dealt with locally. — Garrett Hardin Copy Share Image
Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children. — David Brenner Copy Share Image
Laughter is the best medicine. But if you're laughing without any reason, you need medicine. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Woman was created last so she wouldnt have to wait for someone to talk to. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are Laughing WITH you. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm never afraid to try something if I think it's funny. And I know I'll regret it if I don't. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink. — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
I had the cab driver drive me here backwards, and the dude owed me $27.50. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I was thinking that we all learn by experience, but some of us have to go to summer school. — Peter De Vries Copy Share Image
Fight them everywhere. Don't give them a chance to breathe until they withdraw and retreat. — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
Peace is not achieved by controlling nations, but mastering our thoughts. — John Harricharan Copy Share Image
Girls Sleep over: Expectation: PILLOW FIGHT!!! Reality: Pass the Doritos Beeotch — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Leadership simply begins with the courage to be yourself. So everyone else can be, too. — Umair Haque Copy Share Image
There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home. — L. Frank Baum Copy Share Image
I can still advocate for a marginalized community, while also thinking dog humping is really funny. — Patti Harrison Copy Share Image
