These people haven't seen the last of my face. If I go down, I'm going down standing up. — Chuck Person Copy Share Image
To me at least was never evening yet, but seemed far beautifuller than its day. — Robert Browning Copy Share Image
I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
It's so funny to get a call from Dustin Hoffman because he has that great voice. — Andie MacDowell Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you're actually telling the truth but you laugh during it, and everybody thinks you're lying. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
I did a standup show called 'Show Me the Funny,' so from that I got some TV stuff and people would book… — Ellie Taylor Copy Share Image
At first I thought that I was extremely intelligent and everybody around me was only very average. But now I know that… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The funny story was that I actually quite fancied David's best friend Jerome first, and then Jerome let me down easy that… — Monica Galetti Copy Share Image
We have a lot of children living on our street, so I try to caution speeders by bouncing an old tricycle off… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Instead of stocks investors should invest in blankets, that way they’ll at least have something to keep them warm after they’ve lost… — Amy Riekhof Copy Share Image
When yall was comin up did your mom make you pick a stick off The bush to whoop your ass with lol… — Dionta Long Copy Share Image
What I do know about physics is that to a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“Jamie gawked at the JLM T-shirt peeking out of Theo's leather jacket and his face glowed. "Yes I-L-Y?” — Anyta Sunday Copy Share Image
As Miss Golightly was saying, before she was so rudely interrupted... — Truman Capote Copy Share Image
It's a real primal thing, watching someone get hurt. It's funny and accessible. — Johnny Knoxville Copy Share Image
People is all everything is, all it has ever been, all it can ever be. — William Saroyan Copy Share Image
We're just playing basketball. It's not like we're going out to have unprotected sex with Magic. — Charles Barkley Copy Share Image
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“It’s just amazing how long this country has been going to hell without ever having got there.” — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I have had to eat my own words many times, and I have found it a very nourishing diet. — Winston Churchill Copy Share Image
“All the electronic devices are powered by white smoke. When smoke goes out, device is dead.” — Milan Nikolic Copy Share Image
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Once upon a time . . . What time are we upon and where do I belong? — Francesca Lia Block Copy Share Image
I'm the type of girl that will make a snack, while waiting for another snack to cook. — Johnneil Bertrand Copy Share Image
If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Hey sexy! shut the door pull down your pants, get on top of me satisfy your needs. Lot's of love your toilet — Brad D'Roza Copy Share Image
