“When Johnny Depp saw it, he was so excited he fluffed up to twice his normal size.” — Diane Messidoro Copy Share Image
In life and in the universe it's always best to keep looking up. — Neil deGrasse Tyson Copy Share Image
John Connally's conversion to the GOP raised the intellectual level of both parties. — Frank Mankiewicz Copy Share Image
Women only have trouble parking because we are constantly lied to about what 8 inches is. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Being sexy is kind of funny to me. You know, I can get kind of spunky or I can get tough, you… — Reba McEntire Copy Share Image
I don't wear vanilla-scented lotion or perfume. Most girls love that crap, but I can't do it. 'Cause I can't be the… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
So... the elephant says to the camel why do you have 2 boobs on your back? the camel replies that's a pretty… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
“Um..." I mumbled, "We wait." "What? Wait? Do you expect them to just come up here to the beach to get some… — Grace Fiorre Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“My legs, arms, torso, underarms, and parts of my eyebrows have been stripped of the stuff, leaving me like a plucked bird,… — Suzanne Collins Copy Share Image
Our characters act silly, even totally ridiculous at times, and most of our jokes don't come out of pop cultural references. It… — Stephen Hillenburg Copy Share Image
You never want to defend a joke. People get to choose whether or not to laugh and whether or not they think… — Larry Wilmore Copy Share Image
It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
You are growing... when you know what you are but not what you will become. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay. — Virginia Satir Copy Share Image
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I've been very lucky to work with people I think are funny and who are really awesome human beings. — Jillian Bell Copy Share Image
I cant pretend to be objective when it comes to service or sacrifice. — Martha Raddatz Copy Share Image
I can't stand people that don't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're.' Their so stupid... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“It's not that I can't express myself, it's that I still feel present when I'm not expressing myself.” — Kim Myungsoo Copy Share Image
In most cases the only difference between depression and disappointment is your level of commitment. — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
Today makes me want to go to the beach and swim in the water but then again I don't know how to… — Lisette Alfaro Copy Share Image
You have to write a lot. And you have to rewrite what you wrote a lot more. — Holly Black Copy Share Image
Constance Wu is so dedicated, Anna Kendrick is ridiculously funny, and Blake Lively is magnetic. — Henry Golding Copy Share Image
Turning 32 years old is significant, because at 32 you can sleep with someone half your age and not go to jail — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If I ever get rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now. — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Nobody can be at the same time a correct bureaucrat and an innovator — Ludwig von Mises Copy Share Image
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. — Freddie Mercury Copy Share Image
I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings! — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
