Boys , if you are going to lay down and make a baby , stand up and be a daddy — Green Monk Copy Share Image
It seems everyone in Hollywood is getting pinched, lifted and pulled. I'm looking weird because I'm not. — Robert Redford Copy Share Image
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. — Will Shriner Copy Share Image
“Dude, you're scaring the crap out of me,' said Nick. 'I'm serious, I literally have no crap right now.” — Mark Frost Copy Share Image
It's funny, you know: my mother-in-law, who doesn't have an ounce of nerd in her, is just so excited by the fact… — Tom King Copy Share Image
Today, I saw a crocodile eating a wild buffalo on Discovery. Bullshit!! We all know it's fake. Crocodiles eat Alpenliebe — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there. "All right, I'm standing in… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
The most comical thing for me, even when I watch movies, is the guy who's so crazy confident about himself, with the… — Eddie Alvarez Copy Share Image
Sorry hun. But unlike you, I'm not a doorknob where everybody gets a turn. I'm more of a casino, where only the… — Mikaela Lingat Copy Share Image
“Stupid bitch," he spits, and that's when I mentally punch him in the face. Except it isn't just mentally—it's for real, my… — Hannah Harrington Copy Share Image
If Disney still wants to make Epcot Center futuristic, they could do so by blowing the place up with an atom bomb. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“I never hear about dear Mike. I wrote Ellen Greene and asked about him and she replyed and never mentioned Mike but… — Emily of New Moon Copy Share Image
Learning is the indispensable investment required for success in the 'information age' we are entering. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
84 people died and 11 were injured in London as Rick Ross attempted to crowd surf at his concert. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“It’s funny,” Mercy of Kalr said. “You’re what I’ve lost, and I’m what you’ve lost.” — Ann Leckie Copy Share Image
I won't sing to you like Chris and Ne-Yo, but I'm fresher than a stick of deo. — Rick Ross Copy Share Image
“Most of us cling to life as if our existence were a result of our deed or choice.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Even Nature is observed to have her playful moods or aspects, of which man sometimes seems to be the sport. — Henry David Thoreau Copy Share Image
We've had the Iron Age, the Stone Age, this is the pissin' about age. — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Roses are red, Violets are blue, When brains were given out Where were you? — Myothersweetangel199 Copy Share Image
The play was a great success, but audience was a dismal failure. — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
Your life will be what you create it as, and no one will stand in judgment of it, now or ever. — Rhonda Byrne Copy Share Image
Love is a complicated peice of machinery. Sometimes all you need is a good hammershot to fix it. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I am very attracted to funny people - I'd go so far as to say I find it hard to trust unfunny… — Roisin Murphy Copy Share Image
The moment where you give your friend the what the f-ck is this look during a test. — Orebela Gbenga Copy Share Image
If her husband walks in while you're fucking her... ask him to join. You're already fucked anyways... — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
^I'm Thinking About Getting A Tattoo Of That When I Get Older. Should I? Or Would it Be Stupid? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Life has a funny way of giving us answers when we haven't even asked the questions.” — jennifer olds Copy Share Image
