The work has created man, but neither laziness did not kill anybody. — MXLOVINNN MI BABII SPYDERRR Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when your saying the alphabet becauseyou can't remember what comesnext — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you can’t advertise yourself, what hope do you have of advertising anything else? — David Ogilvy Copy Share Image
I check out my MySpace. I'll go on sites to see what's funny on YouTube. — Gilbert Arenas Copy Share Image
Charlie Christian showed me a lot, and was a great help, but even then, I realised that if I was going to… — Barney Kessel Copy Share Image
“She took two steps to the left. He shadowed her. She took three quick steps to the right. He did the same.… — Shelly Laurenston Copy Share Image
He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot."… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
I had been an abject fan of Martin and Lewis when I was a kid. I just thought they were terribly funny.… — Peter Bogdanovich Copy Share Image
“- Never. I've gone completely mar for you, Taylor Antonia Marsh. - That's not even my middle name! - It's a middle… — Elle Kennedy Copy Share Image
“You're considerate and funny and you're a lover out of my dreams. Should I develop a taste for luxuries- which I may… — Anna Campbell Copy Share Image
Want to make a good first impression on a guy? Ask questions about him, seem interested, listen, giggle and swallow. — Family Guy Copy Share Image
My sister Wendy has a husband and two children, and they have a family photo on top of the VCR, where they're… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Sunglasses: Allowing you to stare at people without getting caught, It's like Facebook but real life..:) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
An education, other than purely professional or technical, can even seem to be an impediment. — Allan Bloom Copy Share Image
A lady once called 911 because her local McDonalds had ran out of McNuggets. — Amit Verma Copy Share Image
To meet, to know, to love, to share then to part is the sad tale of the human heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I just want to be funny and do things! Being hot is work - that's another job. — Janelle James Copy Share Image
When I said You look terrific. I really meant Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm funny on camera sometimes. In life, once in a while. Once in a while. — Gene Wilder Copy Share Image
Politicians and diapers need to be changed regularly, usually for the same reason. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm a very funny man, so funny comes natural. And if you want to create horror, you need to be funny or… — Nicolas Winding Refn Copy Share Image
Regardless of our age, experience, or station in life, we are all missionaries. — David A. Bednar Copy Share Image
Everything I sang sounded awful. So I went outside and I screamed. Everyone pretty much agreed it was awful. — Reese Witherspoon Copy Share Image
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“Do you want me to murder everyone here?!” "“Yes! They’re bad guys!” — Jess-Liz Cross Copy Share Image
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks. — Joe E. Lewis Copy Share Image
When a man is part of his canoe, he is part of all that canoes have ever known. — Sigurd F. Olson Copy Share Image
One of my goals in life? To finish a tube of chapstick before loosing that motherfucker! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
