Dont wait for Mother or Fathers day to show your love and gratitude to your parents. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
In life there's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This holiday has made me acutely aware I've never knowingly spoken to a French person. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This is just funny as heck. Three of them. Mr. Vader is apparently very musical.. — Amber Hope Copy Share Image
The best religion the world has ever known is the religion of the Bible. It builds up all that is good. — Rutherford B. Hayes Copy Share Image
Sorry shoppers on Black Friday will block and tackle better than your football team on Thanksgiving. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sanity is very rare; every man almost and every woman has a dash of madness. — Ralph Waldo Emerson Copy Share Image
“I'm sorry I have issues with my boyfriend doing other men. I'm sorry I have issues with me doing other men. Why… — Laurell K. Hamilton Copy Share Image
It's funny, oftentimes the really great roles that I enjoy are in classic plays, and there aren't many theatres in New York… — Laila Robins Copy Share Image
“That's good," Hunter said, panting. "Keep grinning at your attacker like that and they'll think you're way creepy. And mental." I grinned… — Alyxandra Harvey Copy Share Image
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Dear crush,don't be scared if a fat guy in a red suit snatches you away on christmas eve after all you were… — Corey Chevier Copy Share Image
I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
“Where do you find a stomach on a Thursday afternoon in Reno? "Chinatown?" suggests someone. "Costco?" "Butcher Boys." Tracy pulls his phone… — Mary Roach Copy Share Image
Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said,… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
LOVE is like the action similar to an hourglass: the heart fills as the brain empties. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There are only two places in the world where time takes precedence over the job to be done. School and prison. — William Glasser Copy Share Image
I would rather be my own tyrant than have someone else tyrannize me. — Henry Flagler Copy Share Image
Note To Females: You cant blame the entire male genre just because you were attracted to some assholes. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I never think I want to try to be funny. And humor, if there is anything funny, should come from a real… — Molly Shannon Copy Share Image
“Cooking without wine is like sex alone. You may get the job done, but you don't really care once it's over.” — Andrew Grey Copy Share Image
I went to a garage sale. 'How much for the garage' 'It's not for sale.' — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy! — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
You are not in charge of the universe; you are in charge of yourself. — Arnold Bennett Copy Share Image
“Soak blanket in gravy and make a delicious brick wrap. Serve in All Gravy Room at the Mandrake Hotel.” — Christoph Fischer Copy Share Image
Through patience and certainty, leadership in the religion is obtained. — Ibn Taymiyyah Copy Share Image
If I can write everything out plainly, perhaps I will myself understand better what has happened. — Sherwood Anderson Copy Share Image
I do think funny is like sexy. You're either funny and sexy, or you're not. — Christine Baranski Copy Share Image
Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses? — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
