The fact is that as soon as they reach Baghdad gates, we will besiege them and slaughter them. — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Hey Mom! I have good news! You got a 100% on your math test?! I said I have good news, not a miracle. — Maria Micah Rosales Copy Share Image
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
It's funny: when I go to a school and speak, and when they hear the back story about me, they want to… — Jay Asher Copy Share Image
I'm keeping in shape, you know, gotta look good for the ladies - and certain guys. Hey, I can't control who's looking.… — Ted Alexandro Copy Share Image
“Poncho was in a red mood slanging with rage and needed to cook himself out of it , while shoving handfuls of… — Saira Viola Copy Share Image
I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
I'm so upset. one of my all time FAVORITE Bieber pages got hacked. they had over 45k. it's so sad to see… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Definitely, I think I fulfill a very funny Indian stereotype because I love technology. It's something I've always been interested in. — Manish Dayal Copy Share Image
Three high schools. I was funny. I thought I was being funny. I just had an opinion about everything that was said… — Damon Wayans Copy Share Image
People may say I'm difficult but I'm not. I'm a bit shy but it's funny how I can sing in front of… — Ben Howard Copy Share Image
Heaven must be an awfully dull place if your best friends end up elsewhere. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When a paradox is widely believed, it is no longer recognized as a paradox. — Mason Cooley Copy Share Image
“Jarod Kintz gets so many retweets, he’s like Katniss Everdeen with tourettes in a forest full of Mockingjays.” — Ryan Lilly Copy Share Image
When a woman agrees to give her husband head for no reason --- there is a reason. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
WHEN YOUR PEN RUNS OUT: 5% Calmly getting a new one 95% SCRIBBLE SCRIBBLE SCRIBBLE! . — Anonymous Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE LICENSE, is the only permit taken out after the hunt is over — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“I hate it when people say 'follow your heart.' That is not a morally sufficient reason for stalking.” — Karl Kristian Flores Copy Share Image
Justified" is even better than "just as if I'd never sinned." It is also "just as if I'd always obeyed. — Jerry Bridges Copy Share Image
“Chocolate cake and a diamond ring? In bed with the man of my dreams?” — Cristin Harber Copy Share Image
Just remember that when nobody was there for you, I was. And when nobody else gave a damn, I did. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Edmonton is not the end of the world but you can certainly see it from there. — Mordecai Richler Copy Share Image
Explanation changes whatever is explained into something explainable. — Wendell Berry Copy Share Image
I auditioned for the leading role in 'The Kissing Booth' that came out on Netflix, funny enough. — Noah Centineo Copy Share Image
I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Starbucks acts like they're so fancy. You sell hot black water and muffins. Calm down. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There is nothing that Nature seems to have inclined us to as much as society. — Niccolo Machiavelli Copy Share Image
Be awfully nice to them going up, because you're gonna meet them all coming down. — Jimmy Durante Copy Share Image
“Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom. ” — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
It's Friday and I'm ready to swing. Pick up my girls and hit the party scene. — Aaliyah Copy Share Image
If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
