Having a pet is the reason I only spend 97% of the day thinking about myself. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I just find little things in life funny, it's why I giggle during my shows. — Michael McIntyre Copy Share Image
I’m the Renee Zellweger now. Jewel is the me now. There is no more Jewel. — Ellen Pompeo Copy Share Image
“Nick snatches the picture from the man's hand and laughs. "This is funny to you, asshole?" Nick tosses the picture back behind… — Jennifer Loren Copy Share Image
I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
I had a cordial relationship with all my heroes - some, like Jeetendra or Shatrughan Sinha, are very funny. Amitabh, on the… — Hema Malini Copy Share Image
TV is easier: it's all planned out for you, and the audience is there to see a show and they are all… — Drew Carey Copy Share Image
I was inspired by comedy channels. I loved that they got to do sketches and could be funny and crude and make… — Eva Gutowski Copy Share Image
“WAIT, WAIT! JUST one more!” “Bliss, there are children waiting.” And they probably hated us, but I was just so glad to… — Cora Carmack Copy Share Image
I don't care whether people say, ''The Office' is rubbish, 'Extras' is worse, 'Flanimals' is a waste of time. He's not funny;… — Ricky Gervais Copy Share Image
My background is all comedy. I've been doing improv since I was 17. It's funny, because when I meet people, I'm known… — Derek Mears Copy Share Image
A woman will watch the game with you. The perfect woman will watch it on top of you. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
*Follows Dreams* *Wait for few hours* *Dreams dont follow back* *Unfollows dreams* — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't know what to say, except I love Ryan Dunn and I'm really going to miss him. — Steve-O Copy Share Image
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes. Damn, I'm good at telling lies! — Bubbly Copy Share Image
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me six times, The Fast and the Furious. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Once you know who you are and to whom you are linked, you will know what to do — Epictetus Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, An investment that pays big dividends if you manage to keep up the interest. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I had an idea of what I thought was funny. It's kind of based on how I am. — Jennifer Aniston Copy Share Image
True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one. — La Rochefoucauld Copy Share Image
The quick and the dead are all the same. Everyone's just looking for home. — J.R. Ward Copy Share Image
The best thing about a heat wave is constantly having the illusion you're getting exercise. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I should really start going to bed earlier so I have more time in the morning to be late for work. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Question: Have you ever had a crush on your ex? Answer: Wayyyyyy to many times — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The pen may be mightier than the sword, but no one in Brave Heart carried one.~M.J. McGuire — MJ McGuire Copy Share Image
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. — Alan Dundes Copy Share Image
I didn't know I would hate you this much. I gotta go out with you on vacation again. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
It's your 21'st birthday, now you can do all the things you were already doing, but weren't supposed to be. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You can take a kid out of Rosengård, but you can never take Rosengård out of that kid — Zlatan Ibrahimovic Copy Share Image
Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"? — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
