The most effective copyright protection known to man: a scratched CD — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Whenever I'm driving alone at night I get scared a murderer is hiding in my back seat... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Choose your pleasures for yourself, and do not let them be imposed upon you. — Lord Chesterfield Copy Share Image
When you make a commitment, you create hope. When you keep a commitment you create trust! — John C. Maxwell Copy Share Image
I longed for funny stories about the sort of children who lived in my neighborhood. — Beverly Cleary Copy Share Image
I haven't played Hedda Gabler yet, but maybe if I did I might find the funny bits. — Sophie Thompson Copy Share Image
“We should go swimming," Anna says, out of the blue. (...) Danny looks at her like she just suggested knocking over the… — Hannah Harrington Copy Share Image
I survived 12 years of my life with no internet, but now I can't survive like 12 seconds waiting for a page to load. — Johnneil Bertrand Copy Share Image
What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Dear spiders, if I see you outside, I will let you live. But if I see you in my house, I will… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“What? What's so funny? Some idiot tried to put a stake through your heart, and he didn't even hit the darn thing!"… — Christine Feehan Copy Share Image
Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids.… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
What's funny is that in the '90s, growing up in the black church, everyone around you was older, so your swag became… — Kirk Franklin Copy Share Image
God did not create woman as a s3x object for man. He created woman so that she may become his equal partner… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Unless Your Name Is GOOGLE, Stop Acting You Fucking Know Everything... — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
World's Shortest Resignation Letter: Honorable Sir, I Love Your Wife... — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot! — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Nothing comes free. Nothing. Not even good, especially not good. — Lyndon B. Johnson Copy Share Image
My goal is really to just make people laugh with integrity, like, with something that I still find funny. — Ali Wong Copy Share Image
Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute and asking them for a hug. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Third party auditor is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Girls if we hurt them we apologize, if they hurt us we also apologize. — William Yap Copy Share Image
I mean, it's funny, I'm not going to lie. It's funny saying it. We're the Pelicans. — Jrue Holiday Copy Share Image
Greatness comes through serving. The more you serve, the greater you become — Edwin Louis Cole Copy Share Image
Every man has one thing he can do better than anyone else--and usually it's reading his own handwriting. — J. Norman Collie Copy Share Image
I really like it. I really, really like it. Ah, ah, ah, ah...buried alive...buried alive. — Mick Foley Copy Share Image
Be honest, if people could hear what you were thinking, you would be in a mental hospital. — Unknow Copy Share Image
I hope that you are enjoying your trip as much as I'm enjoying masturbating with the door open and volume up. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
