“Do I look like the kind of person who wastes time turning goats into pin cushions?” — L.J. Smith Copy Share Image
You can listen to what people say, sure. But you will be far more effective if you listen to what people do. — Seth Godin Copy Share Image
Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at… — Adam Ferrara Copy Share Image
“The Professor doesn’t have a problem being called Dick? If my name was Richard, I’d go by Richard or Rich . .… — Simone Elkeles Copy Share Image
What I find relatively funny is that I'm not a model. I'm five foot six and a half; I have absolutely no… — Sophie Kennedy Clark Copy Share Image
Our life comes in segments, and we have to understand that we can have it all if we're not trying to do… — Madeleine Albright Copy Share Image
“Jared was completely gone now, holding his stomach and laughing so hard that tears were running down his face. Matt turned on… — Marie Sexton Copy Share Image
Height of Corporate Pressure: A COMPANY employee went to TOILET. As soon as he sat on the seat,On the front wall this… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you are doing stand-up comedy, you have to be confident in what you are doing. That doesn't mean just because you… — Judah Friedlander Copy Share Image
As long as you're excited about what you're playing, and as long as it comes from your heart, it's going to be… — John Frusciante Copy Share Image
Film Twitter is a funny place. I often dip my toe into it. I'm entertained and horrified in equal measures. — Harris Dickinson Copy Share Image
I only lie for sex or money or to practice for when I need to lie for sex or money. — Stephen Schneider Copy Share Image
“Sometimes, if you close your eyes and keep still, you can be invisible. Ostriches know this." - Constantine” — Jamie Delano Copy Share Image
I was never one who looked at success as bad. For me, success was always good. I loved it, and still do. — Donald Trump Copy Share Image
And who are the greater criminals-those who sell the instruments of death, or those who buy them and use them? — Robert E. Sherwood Copy Share Image
I'm not a broad comic, but I think I can be funny and I think I make people laugh. — Lennie James Copy Share Image
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What you know you know. What you don't know, you don't know. This is knowledge. — Confucius Copy Share Image
I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it's absolutely true. — Edmund Hillary Copy Share Image
In science, read, by preference, the newest works; in literature the oldest. — Edward Bulwer-Lytton, 1st Baron Lytton Copy Share Image
Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into. — Bill Burr Copy Share Image
People who say life is a bed of roses usually complain about sleeping in thorns. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Its true, I cant make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your cage — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
The only thing that weakens worry is work, so I will be working for Marie Corfield — Cory Booker Copy Share Image
Buy a condom, ribbed for her pleasure. Turn it inside out, now it's ribbed for your pleasure. — Katt Williams Copy Share Image
Forgiveness is God's greatest gift because it meets our greatest need. — David Platt Copy Share Image
After being impaled by a javelin, while officiating- I'm doing fine now, just resting and hanging around. — Jeremy Campbell Copy Share Image
Personally, I think Jim Henson said it best when he said "Anybody got an aspirin? I think I've got a cold." — Denis Leary Copy Share Image
