An Airedale can do anything any other dog can do and then whip the other dog if he has to. — Theodore Roosevelt Copy Share Image
A man wears the pants in a relationship but the woman tells the man which pair to put on. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Retirement life begins when the kids move out and the cat gets run over. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Confession. 3.) My Favorite Band Is One Direction But My Favorite SingerIs Ed Sheeran¥ — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm the leader, not a follower. Unless it's a dark place then fuck that shit, you're going first. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You don't know what's on the inside until you put a demand on your potential. — Joel Osteen Copy Share Image
Some people have the time but they don't have time while others have time but do not have the time. — Jacques Prevert Copy Share Image
This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you do something hilarious and your friends ask you to do it again and you can't because you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Never allow yourself externally to portray anything that you have not inwardly experienced and which is not even interesting to you. — Constantin Stanislavski Copy Share Image
Teenagers falling off skateboards - funny. Nut shots - funny. Breaking wind - funny. The world cannot change those. Those three things… — John Oliver Copy Share Image
“Whether we are trying to buy a packet of chips or getting to know a person for a potentially important relationship, its… — Amrita Sarkar Copy Share Image
“Morality he found amusing, in the obscure way that only a man with a Ph.D. in philosophy could find such things amusing,… — Charlie Huston Copy Share Image
My friend and I founded the New York Arab-American Comedy Festival to counter the negative images of Arabs in media. And we… — Maysoon Zayid Copy Share Image
You would be amazed how much I'm wrong when people say guess what. — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
The sooner you learn it's on you to make life interesting, the better off you'll be. — Maria Semple Copy Share Image
Afraid of death? Not at all. Be a great relief. Then I wouldn't have to talk to you. — Katharine Hepburn Copy Share Image
Everything in your business can be outsourced... if you're not emotionally attached to doing it all. — Richard Branson Copy Share Image
When we exist, death is not yet present, and when death is present, then we do not exist. — Epicurus Copy Share Image
When you are getting beat to death, get your head out of the mixer. — Richard Dennis Copy Share Image
It's better to do nothing with your money than something you don't understand. — Suze Orman Copy Share Image
In general, I gravitate toward anything where I can be funny, but as a consumer myself, I enjoy dramedies. — Ego Nwodim Copy Share Image
One day we'll all look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. — Ash Sweeney Copy Share Image
Impossibility is more possible than everything which we hold to be possible. — Karl Barth Copy Share Image
It was unworthy of our military sources that they were the first to weaken. — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
We love super-silly moments, funny moments, serious moments, weird moments. — Riki Lindhome Copy Share Image
If today is the first day of the rest of your life . . . what the hell was yesterday? — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Journalists belong in the gutter because that is where the ruling classes throw their guilty secrets. — Gerald Priestland Copy Share Image
The one thing you can't take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. — Viktor E. Frankl Copy Share Image
There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. — Josh Billings Copy Share Image
Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth. — Regha Hanif Malik Fajar's Copy Share Image
There are worse occupations in this world than feeling a woman's pulse. — Laurence Sterne Copy Share Image
Those embaressing VIDEOS of you & your friends.. trying to take a picture. d: — Anonymous Copy Share Image
