MARRIAGE, Is just a three-ring circus: engagement, wedding, and suffer; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
All exercises that you do with your own bodyweight are great. — Arnold Schwarzenegger Copy Share Image
How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight! — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Best merchants are the ones who dictate cool, not those who try to predict it! — Kevin Plank Copy Share Image
I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Time will explain it all. He is a talker, and needs no questioning before he speaks. — Euripides Copy Share Image
Everybody is a potential murderer. I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices. — Clarence Darrow Copy Share Image
What I love about comedy is that it's unquestionably working. There are varying degrees of that, where there's something that makes you… — Abbi Jacobson Copy Share Image
I have high-definition television, because I felt the lack of resolution was affecting my ability to solve cases on C.S.I. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
It did suffer and it became very weak, while the reporters from Iraqi radio and television stations were more active and had… — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
“Wyatt should’ve looked ridiculous sitting on the floor, leaning into the crate making kissykiss noises at the cat, but he didn’t. He… — Jill Shalvis Copy Share Image
I just feel like there are a lot of funny things that happen in this world and I guess that's for the… — John Pinette Copy Share Image
I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
There is some humour in 'Family Values.' I don't want everyone to think it's not going to make them laugh. But there… — Wendy Cope Copy Share Image
“He wondered if her spy had stumbled upon his last night. When did he start thinking like his mother?” — Johanna Lindsey Copy Share Image
The craft of the merchant is this bringing a thing where it abounds to where it is costly. — Ralph Waldo Emerson Copy Share Image
Withdraw to the untroubled quietude deep within the soul, and refresh yourself. — Marcus Aurelius Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I used to pretend wafer sticks were cigarettes... I was just that badass — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If Damon Wayans is not breaking, it's a miracle. He is so funny that he makes everyone die laughing. — Casey Wilson Copy Share Image
It is harmful to compare yourself to others. Others will do that for you. — John Wooden Copy Share Image
“Be nice to people on your way up, because you'll land on them on your way down” — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground — Francis Bacon Copy Share Image
Did you hear about the new reversible jackets? I can't wait to see how they turn out. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
'Tis a good thing to laugh at any rate; and if a straw can tickle a man, it is an instrument of… — John Dryden Copy Share Image
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
A good-bye is never painful unless you're never going to say hello again — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I met a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my life, but you - you're twenty minutes. — Billy Wilder Copy Share Image
Your knowledge of wine is almost as impressive as your use of it to disguise your alcoholism. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
God won't allow anything happen in your life if it's not for your good. — Nick Vujicic Copy Share Image
Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
All religions are the same. They all lead to God. God is everybody. — Neem Karoli Baba Copy Share Image
Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years. — Henry Fielding Copy Share Image
I can't wait for your wedding to be my excuse for getting out of another wedding. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It is up to me now to choose how to live out the months that remain to me. — Oliver Sacks Copy Share Image
