Dor: there is a reason God lmits our days. Victor: why? Dor: to make each one precious. — Mitch Albom Copy Share Image
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money? — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“Blankets are good to carry around if you want to be able to quickly black bag someone.” — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
You'll never see the hacienda. It doesn't exist. The hacienda must be built. — Ivan Chtcheglov Copy Share Image
If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make up for it by being always immensely over-educated. — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night.. You kept screaming at Ted Danson to pour you a drink.” — Amy Summers Copy Share Image
Lesley Manville comes at 'funny' from a totally different direction in 'Phantom Thread,' using snootiness and froideur. The effect of her performance… — Wesley Morris Copy Share Image
Nobody can misunderstand a boy like his own mother. Mothers at present can bring children into the world, but this performance is… — Norman Douglas Copy Share Image
“Beatrix wished she were a swooning sort of female. It seemed the only appropriate response to the situation. Unfortunately, no matter how… — Lisa Kleypas Copy Share Image
The funny thing is that I write and I act a lot about being Jewish, but I don't really think about it… — Liev Schreiber Copy Share Image
My granddad was very funny and I really loved making people laugh. I used to do puppet shows and I really liked… — Richard Herring Copy Share Image
“Do you like flora and fauna? How about plants and animals? Because we have more of that beautiful crap than we know… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
“What is it?” “Something with which to penetrate you.” “But you can penetrate me now. As often as you like.” “Doesn’t mean… — Michele Bardsley Copy Share Image
I think stutterers are funny. And I know it's rude and politically incorrect to laugh at stutterers. But I think it is… — James Earl Jones Copy Share Image
Some theories are good for nothing except to be argued about. — Georg C. Lichtenberg Copy Share Image
The secret of our marriage is chemistry. She's on Valium and I'm on Prozac — Green Monk Copy Share Image
We live in an age when pizza gets to your house before the police... but pizza is better than the cops — Drew Fonner Copy Share Image
If you text me and then within the next 3 minutes send me ???, you will not get a reply. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Americans have mastered the art of living with the unacceptable. — Breyten Breytenbach Copy Share Image
I now know how uncomfortable most parents have it when they're having the sex talk with their children. — Epifania Savea Copy Share Image
The creatives are rarely professional and the professionals are rarely creative. — Simon Sinek Copy Share Image
Its my bad luck that I cant differentiate between a candle and a woman ;both are bound to burn. — Mohd Aariff Khan Copy Share Image
T, at least once in your life you tried to drink out of the cup like a dog — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Happy Mother's Day to someone whom I'm even more dependent on now than when I was in utero. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The day I am afraid to do, that is the day I am no longer fit to lead. — Nelson Mandela Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night... You tried to propose with a digital ceramic heater.” — Amy Summers Copy Share Image
Some may say that I couldn't sing, but no one can say that I didn't sing. — Florence Foster Jenkins Copy Share Image
“Annabeth dies, trying to keep her boyfriend, the Son of Poseidon, from drowning.” — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
Diapers And Politicians Should Be Changed Often Both For The Same Reason. Makes Perfect Sense. — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
“What's a wingding? Why, a wingding is, uh...it's just like a shindig but without all the hullabaloo.” — Cuthbert Soup Copy Share Image
