Lost my Tic-Tacs yesterday... Now I'm looking for some replace mints. — Risa Schizophrenia Copy Share Image
I hate that there's such an emphasis on women in comedy. Are women OK? Are they just as funny as men? Yes! — Nicole Byer Copy Share Image
The first time I seen the term lmao used, I thought someone was calling me lame but just miss spelled it. — Merle Anthony Rowland Copy Share Image
On his teenage son: To be honest, I'm not sure the same kid comes home each night. — John Bishop Copy Share Image
“You should have seen the costumes for the last few prom themes: Pimps and their srteet ho's; CEOs and their office ho's;… — The Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
How [stories] are told, who tells them, when they’re told, how many stories are told — are really dependent on power. — Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Copy Share Image
My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died. — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper so I would be in your hands all day. Husband: I too wish that u… — Azgraybebly Josland Copy Share Image
Last time you bring me pie, I cut into it, with my tiny pie cutter, and millions of birds flew out hitting… — Noel Fielding Copy Share Image
I don't want to take a pill. Go to Africa, go follow some bushman around. He's being chased by a lion. That's… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
A joke is either funny or it's not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh,… — Alonzo Bodden Copy Share Image
It's safer to do nothing and know why you doing it, than to do something and don't know why you do it. — Myles Munroe Copy Share Image
I've jammed enough things up my own ass just trying to come on any amphetamine based narcotic. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
My point is not that everything is bad, but that everything is dangerous, which is not exactly the same as bad. — Michel Foucault Copy Share Image
If you can’t advertise yourself, what hope do you have of advertising anything else? — David Ogilvy Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when your saying the alphabet becauseyou can't remember what comesnext — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The work has created man, but neither laziness did not kill anybody. — MXLOVINNN MI BABII SPYDERRR Copy Share Image
“There's nothing quite as funny as someone else's misery - Cassel Sharpe” — Holly Black Copy Share Image
I just want to be funny and do things! Being hot is work - that's another job. — Janelle James Copy Share Image
Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
A lady once called 911 because her local McDonalds had ran out of McNuggets. — Amit Verma Copy Share Image
To meet, to know, to love, to share then to part is the sad tale of the human heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
An education, other than purely professional or technical, can even seem to be an impediment. — Allan Bloom Copy Share Image
Sunglasses: Allowing you to stare at people without getting caught, It's like Facebook but real life..:) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I check out my MySpace. I'll go on sites to see what's funny on YouTube. — Gilbert Arenas Copy Share Image
Everything I sang sounded awful. So I went outside and I screamed. Everyone pretty much agreed it was awful. — Reese Witherspoon Copy Share Image
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
![“How [stories] are told, who tells them, when they’re told, how many stories are told — are really dependent on power.” quote by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/268/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-505_dependent_how-stories-are-told-who-tells-them-when_2278082.png)
