I do think funny is like sexy. You're either funny and sexy, or you're not. — Christine Baranski Copy Share Image
If I can write everything out plainly, perhaps I will myself understand better what has happened. — Sherwood Anderson Copy Share Image
“Soak blanket in gravy and make a delicious brick wrap. Serve in All Gravy Room at the Mandrake Hotel.” — Christoph Fischer Copy Share Image
Through patience and certainty, leadership in the religion is obtained. — Ibn Taymiyyah Copy Share Image
You are not in charge of the universe; you are in charge of yourself. — Arnold Bennett Copy Share Image
Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy! — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Don't get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
We worship not the Graces, nor the Parcae, but Fashion. She spins and weaves and cuts with full authority. The head monkey… — Henry David Thoreau Copy Share Image
“Is this your boyfriend?" the first nun asked. Clair Olivia looked me up and down. “No. This is my gay friend who… — Bill Konigsberg Copy Share Image
My favourite comedian, of course, is Tim Conway. He has a way about him - being that belly-laugh kind of funny, and… — Carol Burnett Copy Share Image
“Why do you smoke so damn fast?" I asked. She looked at me and smiled widely, and such a wide smile on… — John Green Copy Share Image
My friends say I make them laugh a lot, so I think that somewhere in me is a little comedic ability that… — Selenis Leyva Copy Share Image
“Then, almost as an afterthought, she turned and locked the bathroom door. If he thought he was going to seduce her, make… — Maggie Shayne Copy Share Image
Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I went to a garage sale. 'How much for the garage' 'It's not for sale.' — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Apparently you aren't allowed to have problems if you aren't a starving african child or a delhi rape victim. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Success comes from persistently improving and inventing, not from persistently promoting what’s not working. — Derek Sivers Copy Share Image
Are we not formed, as notes of music are, For one another, though dissimilar? — Percy Bysshe Shelley Copy Share Image
If she thinks a vibrator is just a setting on a phone, she's too young for you bro. — Cheyenne Copy Share Image
Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses? — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The power to do things for people is also the power to do things to people. — Isabel Paterson Copy Share Image
Naming someone you know your parents approve of, when they ask who you're texting — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The key to making things understandable is to understand what it’s like not to understand. — Richard Saul Wurman Copy Share Image
She wanted me inside of her, I told her I already was. She questioned how? I answered: Your heart. — Raghib Clitso Copy Share Image
Damn, I forgot to go to the gym yesterday! That's 10 years in a row now... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Is it me? Is it like I have a beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear? — Lisa Kudrow Copy Share Image
Me and food have a love, hate relationship, I love to eat, but hate to get fat. — Rashida Rowe Copy Share Image
Mom, I love you more than a kidnapped white girl running into the arms of Charles Ramsey. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Facebook? You mean that thing pussies use to bitch about their problems? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
