I told him he'd have a heart attack a year ago, but unfortunately he lived a year longer. — Eugene Ormandy Copy Share Image
You are not your thoughts, and you are not the product of your thoughts. — Alan Finger Copy Share Image
Most of my mannerisms come from my Mum, who is quite a funny, witty, chatty person. My Dad was very shy. — Jason Bonham Copy Share Image
My fans are so funny, they make me laugh so much. I've got some really, really, funny, clever fans. — Ellie Goulding Copy Share Image
Show Me The Funny' was not very successful ratings wise, but the right people saw me. — Ellie Taylor Copy Share Image
“Mustardseed grinned at Bertie. "I was never any good at geometry, but you’re stuck in a love triangle, aren’t you?" "Shut up,"… — Lisa Mantchev Copy Share Image
A rayformer thinks he was ilicted because he was a rayformer, whin th thruth iv th matther is he was ilicted because… — Finley Peter Dunne Copy Share Image
“Don't be too funny, guys like funny but they don't want to marry a comedian, right? The guy is supposed to be… — Lindsey Kelk Copy Share Image
If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad? Treasure chests with… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
"Write that down," the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and… — Lewis Carroll Copy Share Image
This was the ultimate form of ostentation among technology freaks - to have a system so complete and sophisticated that nothing showed;… — Michael Swanwick Copy Share Image
“...and a third had died in his bunk of natural causes-- for a dagger in the heart quite naturally ends one's life” — R. A. Salvatore Copy Share Image
Why do I love Roald Dahl? His voice, more than anything. It's irreproducible. It's so musical, and it's funny even when it's… — Jesse Andrews Copy Share Image
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. — Benjamin Franklin Copy Share Image
But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
“Death would be an extremely bad thing like most of us paint it, if being dead were painful.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Identify the dominant philosophy of a society and you can predict its future. — Ayn Rand Copy Share Image
“Do you hear it? The loud noise from the room at night? Never mind, It's just my mom snoring.” — Sarah Willey Copy Share Image
“Anything for you, Dru. And I mean it. Now, be quiet and let me concentrate.” — Lili St. Crow Copy Share Image
Choose to deliver amazing service to your customers. You'll stand out because they don't get it anywhere else. — Kevin Stirtz Copy Share Image
When people judge and criticize you, remember it says nothing about you, but everything about them. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me." — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
Get out the rye bread and mustard grandma, cause it's GRAND SALAMI TIME! — Dave Niehaus Copy Share Image
Dear Mobile phone, thank you for being there when I'm in awkward situations. — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
I was always intensely Romantic, even when I was too young to understand what that meant. — George R. R. Martin Copy Share Image
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a woman who's free for the weekend. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Men are simple creatures. 99% of their problems can be solved with sex, sandwiches, or both. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you are unable to meditate, chant your mantra or sing bhajans. — Mata Amritanandamayi Copy Share Image
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it. — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
The bastards have never been bombed like they're going to be bombed this time. — Richard M. Nixon Copy Share Image
Sometimes you have to go through something else to find what you're looking for. — Robert Genn Copy Share Image
Life would be a great deal easier if dead things had the decency to remain dead — Anonymous Copy Share Image
