Funny Quotes · Page 611

“We weren't really friends yet, just knowers of each other's secret stuff.”

— M. Beth Bloom

Haters...are all failures. It's 100% across the board. No one who is truly brilliant at anything is a hater.

— Joe Rogan

All the photographers were trying to just get me off, which was hilarious. But it was very, very amusing.

— Bella Heathcote

My 6-pack is very important to me, that's why I cover it with a layer of fat.

— Anonymous

But a funny thing happened four years later. I was invited to play for an alumni team against the Red Wings.

— Ted Lindsay

That awkward moment, when your class is so immature it could easily be mistaken for 3rd graders.

— Anonymous

It's funny how sometimes I laugh just because I meet you.

— Hansakeyba

If Jesus bore the cross, and died on it for me, ought I not to be willing to take it up for…

— Dwight L. Moody

Roses aer red viloets are blue he's for me not for you and if by chance you take my place ill take…

— Anonymous

I particularly like Twitter, because it's short and can be very funny and informative. It's a little bit like having your own…

— Margaret Atwood

“Whoa. Not too stiff," Cody said. "Secure, strong, but calm. Like you're caressing a beautiful woman, remember?" That made me think of…

— Brandon Sanderson

“Please, comrade! I just want to chop him up for the stew!' 'And that's another thing! I'm tired of stew! I want…

— Jeff Smith

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing…

— Matt Groening

At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm…

— Anonymous

If Rose's streak was still intact, with that single to left, the fans would be throwing babies out of the upper deck.

— Jerry Coleman

Anyone who is considered funny will tell you, sometimes without even your asking, that deep inside they are very serious, neurotic, introspective…

— Wendy Wasserstein

Sorry I'm more emotionally available to my cat than I am to you.

— Anonymous

Go for broke with what you believe and what you think is funny and what you're good at.

— Lennon Parham

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button youll be disconnected!

— Ritu Ghatourey

Trailing 5-1, the Padres added an insurance run in the eighth inning.

— Jerry Coleman

Yeah, it seems like it, right? It definitely was one of the best matches that I've played.

— Petra Kvitova

“Nothing says awkward like coming in your pants while dry humping.”

— Jay McLean

“If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.”

— Bauvard

Currently starring in my own reality show titled, A Modern Cinderella; One Girls Search for Love and Shoes.

— Anonymous

I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny.

— Zach Galifianakis

Deliberate with caution, but act with decision and yield with graciousness, or oppose with firmness.

— Anonymous

My love life peaked in the 6th grade when a girl asked me to pass a note to another boy :) :)

— Anonymous

I love Jared Hess' movies. He's such a weirdo and such a nice, funny guy.

— Kate McKinnon

So you find this great lesson however don't just follow one ,since you don't just do one thing all life.

— MrAwesome

I'm not over-fond of animals. I am merely astounded by them.

— David Attenborough

During the days in detention, I thought most about the moon.

— Ai Weiwei

There’s nobody taking center from me until I give it up.

— Joe DiMaggio

Interpreting at its core is taking in one language and putting out the other.

— Jennifer Abbott

Ive got a lot of life left in me and I want to live it doing things I like to do.

— Morgan Freeman

I mean what good does it do anyone to kill themselves working, because the worms will get you in the end.

— Dorothy Gish

Only what is fated to die is capable of living. Only what dies lives.

— Giannina Braschi

I'm sorry, and by sorry I mean get over it and stop acting like a 5 year old.

— Anonymous

Isn't it about time that we stopped wasting so much time on what a person prefers?

— Karl Malone

Saying, 'Shut up no one likes you!' when someone corrects you.

— Anonymous

When there is nothing, there is the possibility of everything.

— Ann Brashares