Hollywood, we decided, was a nice place to die, but we wouldn't want to live there. — Jack Paar Copy Share Image
I hate when skinny people call themselves fat just to get compliment. Bitch! just shut up and eat that food ! — Jugi Steady Copy Share Image
Please let me know if that work I spent sleepless nights on was good enough for you to take credit for. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
In life there's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Our fan of the week is... Debra Clarke! Congratulations í. To get picked as our next fan of the week, — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Adventure games are all about details - if you happen to take this one object and use it with this other object,… — Tim Schafer Copy Share Image
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Yes, as an oppressed people, American Indians have this epic burden, but first and foremost, they're human: sometimes a mess, sometimes funny… — Alexandra Fuller Copy Share Image
All New Years is to me is for taking down your dumb Christmas decorations. People who put up Christmas decorations, all they're… — Rich Vos Copy Share Image
I read that John Hughes script for 'Mr. Mom,' and I thought, 'This guy is a funny writer.' I went: 'You ought… — Michael Keaton Copy Share Image
Only cataclysmic natural calamities need not necessarily be termed as the end of the world. Rapid decline of human values, crimes against… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
“We must have a creature made of Darkness to break through the cage of Darkenss that imprisons your grandmother," Thanatos said. "That… — P.C. Cast Copy Share Image
You can't be a real spy and have everybody in the world know who you are and what your drink is. That's… — Roger Moore Copy Share Image
Dont wait for Mother or Fathers day to show your love and gratitude to your parents. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“If a picture paints a thousand words, then a naked picture paints a thousand words without any vowels…” — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
Let's set aside time this Mother's Day to mock the disintegrating sex lives of our friends with children. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
LOVE is like the action similar to an hourglass: the heart fills as the brain empties. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sanity is very rare; every man almost and every woman has a dash of madness. — Ralph Waldo Emerson Copy Share Image
Sorry shoppers on Black Friday will block and tackle better than your football team on Thanksgiving. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The best religion the world has ever known is the religion of the Bible. It builds up all that is good. — Rutherford B. Hayes Copy Share Image
This is just funny as heck. Three of them. Mr. Vader is apparently very musical.. — Amber Hope Copy Share Image
This holiday has made me acutely aware I've never knowingly spoken to a French person. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There are only two places in the world where time takes precedence over the job to be done. School and prison. — William Glasser Copy Share Image
I would rather be my own tyrant than have someone else tyrannize me. — Henry Flagler Copy Share Image
Note To Females: You cant blame the entire male genre just because you were attracted to some assholes. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“Cooking without wine is like sex alone. You may get the job done, but you don't really care once it's over.” — Andrew Grey Copy Share Image
I never think I want to try to be funny. And humor, if there is anything funny, should come from a real… — Molly Shannon Copy Share Image
