The best time to make friends is before you need them. Ether Barrymore — Benjamin Franklin Copy Share Image
Do not, therefore, say "I feel nauseous," unless you are sure you have that effect on others. — William Strunk, Jr Copy Share Image
My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny. — Greg Giraldo Copy Share Image
Wouldn’t it be amazing, getting up everyday and playing; doing something that you love to do? — Sidney Crosby Copy Share Image
If somebody's trying to shut you up, sing louder, and if possible, better. — Salman Rushdie Copy Share Image
I'm thinking about growing a beard so I have something cool to do with my hands when I think. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“She tried to ignore that, this close to the man, he had the overpowering chemical scent of a manly shower gel. The… — Maggie Stiefvater Copy Share Image
To his orchestra Stop da music, stop da music! You're supposed to follow da music, not chase it all over da place. — Jimmy Durante Copy Share Image
The best pitch I ever heard about cocaine was back in the early eighties when a street dealer followed me down the… — Denis Leary Copy Share Image
“We walked on the moon. We made footprints somewhere no one else had ever made footprints, and unless someone comes and rubs… — Frank Cottrell Boyce Copy Share Image
If you have a son, you only have to worry about one penis. If you have a daughter, you have to worry… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Of course they were eaten,” he retorted, his eyes flashing in cold humour. “Trolls generally aren’t exactly renowned for being vegetarians.” — Adele Rose Copy Share Image
You tell me you love me, but Im not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how… — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
I just developed my act way back in the late '80s. I went to college in Georgia, so I picked up the… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
Critics are like eunuchs; they can tell you what to do, but they can't do it themselves! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Basing our happiness on our ability to control everything is futile. — Stephen Covey Copy Share Image
Tell Me Why We've Got More Pictures Of T.K. On Here Then Most Other Things. - — Anonymous Copy Share Image
To become aware of the possibility of the search is to be onto something. — Walker Percy Copy Share Image
I'm not saying you're easy, but when I look up something to do in your town it gives me your address. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Your husband is lazy if coffee doesn't keep him awake - even when it's hot and being spilled on him. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
I am the ultimate California girl, which is funny, being that I'm Canadian. — Pamela Anderson Copy Share Image
If they cannot love and resist at the same time, they probably will not survive. — Audre Lorde Copy Share Image
Ex's are like toys you give them to the less fortunate so you can move on to bigger and better things ! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“That boy may have been born on third base but he sure as shit ain’t scored a triple.” — Sarah Hall Copy Share Image
My sensibility has never been political. The things I find funny are generally apolitical. — Tim Dillon Copy Share Image
I have learned there is little difference in husbands; you might as well keep the first. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Its funny how you meet your ex and feel you've met a stranger who knows so much about you — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
I told my DAD to embrace his mistakes. He cried. Then he hugged my brother & me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I haven't done Vine in a long time, and when I first started, I just did stuff that I thought was funny. — Maisie Williams Copy Share Image
Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. — Gordon R. Dickson Copy Share Image
