I hate when I'm about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Given that evolution is a fact, this lack of evolution needs to be explained. — J. William Schopf Copy Share Image
“I will call bullshit on that so many times that the word bullshit will lose all meaning. -Milo” — Cora Carmack Copy Share Image
It's so funny how the people that know the least about you, have the most to say. — Uknown Copy Share Image
I just find all that stuff incredibly funny. I love a fart. I'd do anything for a good poo story. — Phoebe Waller-Bridge Copy Share Image
If you tell your friends you're pregnant & they say by who. The you're a hoe — Amit Verma Copy Share Image
“Her mouth set. "I've already lost one man I loved tonight. I will not lose the other." She glared at him. "And… — Patrick W. Carr Copy Share Image
God showed me that He could and would replace everything that was missing in my life, but that nothing could replace Him… — Zig Ziglar Copy Share Image
Makeup can only make you look pretty on the outside but it doesnt help you if your ugly on the inside. Unless… — Audrey Hepburn Copy Share Image
'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' is a good one because it not only turned out, I think, to be a really funny movie but… — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
When life partner happens, I hope he is not a youth icon then because I doubt even I would be youthful then.… — Alia Bhatt Copy Share Image
Can someone's true value really be estimated? Maybe there needs to be an Edmunds.com for people on TV. That would be funny… — Derek Hough Copy Share Image
A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
If you're studying Geology, which is all facts, as soon as you get out of school you forget it all, but Philosophy… — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
Just wear what makes you happy. If you're happy, it's a great outfit. — Alli Simpson Copy Share Image
I am now quite sure that Tragedy and Hope was suppressed although I do not know why or by whom — Carroll Quigley Copy Share Image
Its funny when you need somone the most they arent there for you .. Shows how true my Friends are — She's_gone Copy Share Image
I thought she was the funniest woman, and I believed being a comedian was the most exciting thing you could be. — Maya Rudolph Copy Share Image
I shall call him squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my squishy! — Finding Nemo Copy Share Image
I'm pregnant John ~ The moment when every John in town dissapeared! haahahha:D — Rachel Copy Share Image
Somebody figured it out- we have 35 million laws trying to enforce Ten Commandments. — Earl Wilson Copy Share Image
There's no such thing as an unsent Christian. You have already been SENT. — Alan Hirsch Copy Share Image
Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people. — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
Today, after my boyfriend broke up with me, the only thing positive about my day was a pregnancy test. FML — Sheryne Brooks Copy Share Image
I can't relax here. These people have no pubic hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
If inflation continues to soar, you're going to have to work like a dog just to live like one — George Gobel Copy Share Image
I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, "Get off of me, you two!" — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
Greg Grunberg is so beautiful and charming and funny and heartbreaking. — Annaleigh Ashford Copy Share Image
I almost always wear a jacket, but I like different jackets. I also like funny pants. — Nick Wooster Copy Share Image
Every year I go to halloween parties as a ninja so don't expect to see me there. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Obviously, the best dressed awards is very relevant, I'm best dressed at all times.(smiles) — Robert Pattinson Copy Share Image
