This book is dedicated to Wilbur and Orville Wright, without whom air sickness would still be just a dream. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
In general those who nothing have to say Contrive to spend the longest time in doing it. — James Russell Lowell Copy Share Image
I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
The author is the successor of the saint, everyone respects the author. — Roberto Calasso Copy Share Image
To live in a place where I am not, and in a time that is either past or not yet come. — Heinrich von Kleist Copy Share Image
It's a funny show. The characters are surprisingly likable, given how ugly they are. We've got this huge cast of characters that… — Matt Groening Copy Share Image
Had your forefathers, Wigglesworth, been as stupid as you are, the human race would never have succeeded in procreating itself. — Alan Bennett Copy Share Image
I hate turkeys. If you go to the grocery store, you start to get mad at turkeys. You see turkey ham, turkey… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
They're great girls. They're very funny, they're very smart, they're fun to be with. They're very lively, as I think people can… — Laura Bush Copy Share Image
“In the past five minutes, I had managed to tease my libido, scald my crotch, and catch a world-class elbow with my… — B. Justin Shier Copy Share Image
When you're having the best dream ever and wake up, does anyone else ever try to fall back asleep to finish the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If I was an octopus, I would check my emails while I feed myself while I pick my nose while I masturbate… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Bob Davis has his hair differently this year, short with curls like Randy Jones wears. I think you call it a Frisbee. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
“Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer. ” — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
I can say this much with confidence - that I now have a sound of my own — Shreya Ghoshal Copy Share Image
I am a comedian. You may or may not find me funny, but the fact remains, that I am a comedian. — Sarah Millican Copy Share Image
You, you, and you...panic. The rest of you, come with me. — US Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt Copy Share Image
That moment when you see someone and you want to talk to them so bad but you feel like its going to… — RGclutch Copy Share Image
Men can do their Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on Christmas Eve in 25 minutes. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
To me drink is my best friend cuz its allways there when I'm feeling down — Dan The Man Copy Share Image
Between us, we cover all knowledge; he knows all that can be known and I know the rest. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Mere allocation of huge sums of money for quality will not bring quality. — W. Edwards Deming Copy Share Image
I am a funny as well as an emotional person. The comedian inside me cries at times while watching a movie. — Bharti Singh Copy Share Image
My objection is not that it's pro-gay but that it appears to be anti-marriage. — Michael Medved Copy Share Image
The imagination, once awakened, must and will work, and ought to work — Harriet Martineau Copy Share Image
Man can only be what he sees himself to be, and only attain what he sees himself attaining. — Florence Scovel Shinn Copy Share Image
A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. — Mario Puzo Copy Share Image
If you are confident you have done everything possible to prepare yourself, then there is nothing to fear. — Michael Jordan Copy Share Image
If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. — SangFroid Stalker Copy Share Image
Life is laughter when seen in a long shot, but it is a tragedy when seen in a close-up. — Charlie Chaplin Copy Share Image
Give the American people a good cause, and there's nothing they can't lick. — John Wayne Copy Share Image
Some people treat God like they do a lawyer; they go to Him only when they are in trouble. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
It's hard for a man to turn down sex... if they chase us, we can't run that fast. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
