Funny Quotes · Page 55

We were meant to live for so much more,

— Jon Foreman

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

— Woody Allen

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

— Steven Wright

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

— Jerry Seinfeld

Im as conservative as they come.

— Matthew Vaughn

This isn't a letter, it's a gift.

— David Nicholls

To live is to express oneself freely

— Bruce Lee

A life without tragedy would not be worth living.

— Edward Abbey

You will become on the outside, what you believe on the inside.

— John C. Maxwell

“I have a copy of you in my brain; when you make me angry I do very bad things to you.”

— M.F. Moonzajer

Twitter is unspeakably irritating. Twitter stands for everything I oppose,

— Jonathan Franzen

A system must have an aim. Without the aim, there is no system.

— W. Edwards Deming

I find it funny when women share makeup-free selfies on Twitter or Instagram, and it's such a huge deal.

— Caroline Wozniacki

She said this in the same way you might say Fields of Punishment or Hades's gym shorts.

— Rick Riordan

I will never run out of quotes. I am, after all, the Thom Yorke.

— Thom Yorke

Clean your room, family is coming over…OH IM SORRY I DIDN'T REALISE THAT GATHERING WOULD BE HELD IN MY BEDROOM

— Corey Chevier

Anyone who is considered funny will tell you, sometimes without even your asking, that deep inside they are very serious, neurotic, introspective…

— Wendy Wasserstein

I saw this college team bowling championship. Each team had their own coach. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach…

— Jim Gaffigan

“And you're no going to see me inherit the title--you'll marry on your deathbed and beget an heir just to spite me,"…

— Anne Stuart

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move.…

— Rodney Dangerfield

Im not a Facebook status you don't have to like me, but just cuz you don't,doesn't mean other people wont. Just know…

— Rosie Krein

First day of school WALKS INTO CLASS ROOM. SEES WHO'S IN IT. STOPS AT THE DOOR. AND YOU'RE THINKING: YOU'VE GOT TO…

— Anonymous

I'm going to do my best for you. I'm gonna fight for you. And if in the end you won't love me,…

— Nikhil Saluja

I particularly like Twitter, because it's short and can be very funny and informative. It's a little bit like having your own…

— Margaret Atwood

An insincere critic of a sincere person never wins.

— Criss Jami

Now I am too beautiful to be set free.

— Charles Manson

Everything must have in it a sharp seasoning of truth.

— St. Jerome

Learn to ne happy with what you have.

— Gautama Buddha

You find out what's in you when it comes out

— Marshawn Lynch

The more I see of man, the more I like dogs.

— Madame de Stael

Once in a while I say, 'Go for it' and I eat chocolate.

— Claudia Schiffer

You can do anything if you have enthusiasm.

— Henry Ford

You are all that you are longing for.

— Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Do you know how many movies I wrote when I was high?

— Jon Stewart

Only in America are "poor" people fat.

— Anonymous

You've got to know what goes between the notes.

— Jimi Hendrix

Woman, I have no mercy for you.

— Susan Atkins

You look like something I'd draw with my left hand.

— Anonymous

This is just me. Get used to it.

— Amy Harmon

There's no-matter in antimatter !.

— Napoleon Natorious Rabb