Insure the uninsured. Effect of Obamacare to date: Uninsure the insured, — Brit Hume Copy Share Image
Dogs are lousy poker players. When the get a good hand they wag their tails. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Never be the first to arrive at a party or the last to go home and never, never be both. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Finland has produced so many brilliant distance runners because back home it costs $2.50 a gallon for gas. — Esa Tikkanen Copy Share Image
It's so funny how the people who know the least about you, have the most to say. — HENDRIX Copy Share Image
Dude I have something really funny to tell you!� *Adult walks into room* ..I'll tell you in a minute� — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If we have power to degrade an entire society, then we also have the power to uplift it. — KRS-One Copy Share Image
The captain has just turned on the fasten-seat-belt-sign. He didn't mean to, but the joint he was smoking fell in his lap,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Winnie, don't you ever think you're selling yourself short?" "Nope. Never. I'm really good at picking quality dick.” — Elizabeth Brown Copy Share Image
They say that marijuana is an entrance to other drugs...I say it's more like an entrance to the late night drive-thru window. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Allow me to summarize the heroic Jewish uprising against the banning of our religion by mumbling a prayer written in phonetic Hebrew. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What President of the Airline is doing is, he's urging everyone to give up their frequent flyer miles for sick kids... But… — David Cross Copy Share Image
I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
So I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?" I said, "Well I'll give… — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
Sometimes when you do a whole script, you hand it off, and it gets rewritten by a bunch of people, and people… — Robert Ben Garant Copy Share Image
