I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something. — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
I'm an athlete, I'm funny, I'm creative, I can tell a story, I'm likable. — Logan Paul Copy Share Image
I'm seriously jealous of every girl that I have seen from Who Does She Suit? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you are fully present, you are truly living; the rest of the time, you are merely existing — Sri Sri Ravi Shankar Copy Share Image
I gotta question...Wtf is there handicap parking at the skating ring — IG:catone_2_funny Copy Share Image
What are we when we are alone? Some, when they are alone, cease to exist. — Eric Hoffer Copy Share Image
Adventure games are all about details - if you happen to take this one object and use it with this other object,… — Tim Schafer Copy Share Image
“Mustardseed grinned at Bertie. "I was never any good at geometry, but you’re stuck in a love triangle, aren’t you?" "Shut up,"… — Lisa Mantchev Copy Share Image
I've been seesawing between not doing too much racial stuff - because I'd rather be known as the funny comedian than the… — Ronny Chieng Copy Share Image
“Don't be too funny, guys like funny but they don't want to marry a comedian, right? The guy is supposed to be… — Lindsey Kelk Copy Share Image
If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad? Treasure chests with… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
"Write that down," the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and… — Lewis Carroll Copy Share Image
A rayformer thinks he was ilicted because he was a rayformer, whin th thruth iv th matther is he was ilicted because… — Finley Peter Dunne Copy Share Image
A BOY CAN MEET 1O GIRLS, F*CK 9 , TALK TO 8 , LAUGH WITH 7 , RUN BEHIND 6 , LIKE… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
