Funny Quotes · Page 482

Nelson Mandela stands as an inspiration to us all

— Kofi Annan

Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.

— Stephen Colbert

I find OOP technically unsound.

— Alexander Stepanov

Life isn’t worth living if you’re scared all the time.

— Sara Shepard

All models are wrong; some models are useful.

— W. Edwards Deming

Faith is a big thing we explore.

— Uzo Aduba

OLS can the trial court rule in flavor.

— Anonymous

Benedict may not be as hurt as he really is.

— Jerry Coleman

There just is not one person in my family who is not funny.

— Michael Keaton

It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, "if you want it your way, cook it yourself."

— Johnny Carson

My mother married a very good man ... and she is not at all keen on my doing the same.

— George Bernard Shaw

If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is.

— Charles Dickens

I maintain that I never expect anything, therefore Im always pleasantly surprised.

— Lianne La Havas

I've told you, nobody becomes an artist unless they have to.

— Janet Fitch

Hey baby, feel my sweater. You feel that? That's boyfriend material.

— Raghib Clitso

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

— Ken Dodd

I like wearing big sweaters. Not cause they're all comfy, but when the sleeves are really big I get to flop them…

— Anonymous

“I don’t understand you, Pigeon. I thought I knew women, but you’re so fucking confusing I don’t know which way is up.”…

— Jamie McGuire

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

— Jerry Seinfeld

Working with Chaplin was very amusing and strange. His films are so funny, but working with him, I found him to be…

— Tippi Hedren

“You get a promotion?" "I got a polite, but firm suggestion to be a team player. [...]" "You got off easy. One…

— Nelson DeMille

Today I'm hilarious, I received ..SHABCAN …SHABCAN…Is my life …SAHBCAN…... is sweeter girl in the world …SHABCAN…… Is the most beautiful girl…

— ABDI AND SHABCAN

“Adam pressed his hand to his face. Sighed. "Right. It's just that… He died. And I'm so freaking pissed off, I swear…

— Kristina McBride

“They’d be complaining about having to walk, and screeching at me to ‘do something, Freddy, do something!’” “But what could you do?”…

— Anne Gracie

I had everything I need to get me killed.

— Steve Earle

I don't see any god up here.

— Yuri Gagarin

It appears my hypocrisy knows no bounds.

— Doc Holliday

He who eats alone chokes alone.

— H. L. Mencken

A knick-knack is a thing that sits on top of a whatnot.

— Oliver Hardy

When you start somewhere, you've started.

— Mike Caro

Women have been funny for years.

— Beth Behrs

I'll be here where the heart is

— Kim Carnes

There is nothing personal about a personal ad.

— Wes Smith

Nothing is too beautiful, nothing is too expensive.

— Ettore Bugatti

They'll score if they can just get into the endzone.

— John Madden

Two are better than one if two act as one.

— Mike Krzyzewski

Maybe my viriety is due to bad absorption of vitamins.

— Stephen Hawking

Dachshund: A half-a-dog high and a dog-and-a-half long.

— H. L. Mencken

Be slow to correct and quick to commend.

— John Wooden

Photographers are always imposing

— Susan Sontag