Sometimes when my internet is down I forget the rest of my computer still works… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
So actually, there could be parents-of-the-parents-of-the-parents-of-the parents? — Lois Lowry Copy Share Image
My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals. — Bob Monkhouse Copy Share Image
What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living. — Doug Larson Copy Share Image
I'm a professional comic. Whether you think I'm funny or not, that's, again, subjective. — David Cross Copy Share Image
“The smell of burning firewood and the molding of organic, earthy substances reminded her of jumping wildly into the enormous leaf piles… — Abby Slovin Copy Share Image
Micro humor is a joke that's contained in the writing: it's a punch line, it's a turn of phrase, it's something that… — Susanna Fogel Copy Share Image
It's never fun to run out of gas while on a road trip, But the adventure of trying to find gas when… — Ryan Bingham Copy Share Image
I like the public hot-tub at the hotels. I like when a guy is already in there, I say, "Hey, do you… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Knock on wood is a saying for good luck. I think that started when someone went to someone's door to see if… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
If you get too engrossed and involved and concerned in regard to things over which you have no control, it will adversely… — John Wooden Copy Share Image
I think people make mistakes when they're on Twitter when they're trying to crack jokes, none of it's funny, and it tends… — Michael Caputo Copy Share Image
