Funny Quotes · Page 478

Im not funny, I'm just mean and people think I'm joking

— Ana

I'm majoring in Trophy Wife with a minor in MILF.

— Anonymous

Making a movie is casting a spell.

— Kenneth Anger

That's the way it was every time I studied it.

— Eugene Ormandy

When all is said and done...I usually have more to say

— Ana Chable

Let's learn to live, for we must die alone.

— George Crabbe

Growing up is amazing, until you get old! !!

— Anonymous

At least I didn't invent a dead girlfriend

— Lance Armstrong

The one who is happy can never get too early out of bed.

— Camilla Collett

Trust is something that you have in a condom when the partner is not your spouse

— Green Monk

We must invite the Cross to do its deadly work within before we can be free.

— Aiden Wilson Tozer

You are the only one who gets to decide what you will be remembered for.

— Taylor Swift

I have often regretted having spoken, never having kept silent

— Publilius Syrus

I wanted to change the world . But I could not even change my underwear.

— John Grant

Forget the Bible, the greatest argument against human evolution is a YouTube comment thread.

— Damien Fahey

Every African has a responsibility to understand the system and work towards it's overthrow.

— Walter Rodney

As you may or may not know, in keeping with the high-class tone of Beverly Hills, our police force is probably the…

— Jack Benny

“Cheese runners shouted at it, tried to grab it, and flailed at it with sticks, but the piratical cheese scythed onward, reaching…

— Terry Pratchett

I'm gonna cut my veins only got 20 scissors in my pocket i,i,i'm cutting looking for a vein this is legendary..;D

— Mee

They say guns don't kill people, people kill people. Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG,…

— Anonymous

Funny thing about the volatile and biased French crowds. While they'd prefer to be cheering a countryman and giving his foreign opponent…

— Rod Laver

“Really, it's amazing. You are his other half, Alexandria, You are fated to be with him. You belong to him." It felt…

— Jennifer Armintrout

Dear Mom, thanks for not answering the phone. I could be locked in some rapist's basementfor all you know. Thanks, nice to…

— Anonymous

“Was it just her, or did lovers look more adoringly at each other in this city? Especially in the springtime. 'Die, bastards.'…

— Kresley Cole

I hope history repeats itself, I really want a dinosaur

— Ritu Ghatourey

All Italians are plunderers.

— Napoleon Bonaparte

I'd certainly go for a love marriage

— Genelia D'Souza

Alastair Moock is the second coming of John Prine.

— Ellis Paul

It is better to be feared than loved.

— Lewis Carroll

There are more fakers in business than in jail.

— Malcolm Forbes

The end of all wisdom is love, love, love.

— Ramana Maharshi

Success is less rare than the courage to attempt it.

— Terry Rossio

Happiness is more important than money any day.

— Jack White

I'm as clean as the days are long.

— Rob Ford

I've loved all of my time here.

— Tabitha King

Happiness and Beauty are by-products.

— George Bernard Shaw

It's 2003. Why can't I teleport?

— Lewis Black

What the fuck do you want from me? is the new hello.

— Nikhil Saluja

You don't pick dance. Dance picks you.

— Martha Graham

What we find changes who we become.

— Peter Morville