“That's easy," Russell said. "Because everybody else in this here place is crooked as a dog's hind leg. ...” — Les Standiford Copy Share Image
I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Ah, the things we would do if we could — especially in the secure knowledge that we can't. — Robert Breault Copy Share Image
The most real of all splendors are not in outward things, they are within us. — Honore de Balzac Copy Share Image
Children are a great comfort in your old age - and they help you reach it faster, too. — Lionel Kauffman Copy Share Image
This really smart kid at my school got a 291 on a computer math test, and he's upset. while I'm over here… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you don't gotta go to no doctor to get it taken out,… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
There is no presence of the American columns in the city of Baghdad at all. We besieged them and we killed most… — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
I loved Omar Vizquel. He tells some really long jokes, and he has his own way of telling them, but he can… — Steve Finley Copy Share Image
“You don't appreciate a faithful husband when you've got one,' said Tommy. 'All my friends tell me you never know with husbands,'… — Agatha Christie Copy Share Image
I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“There is little more I can add short of dissecting the man, or going into intimate details such as the modest proportions… — Félix J. Palma Copy Share Image
“How to Be a Man Step One: Eat a steak, preferably raw. If you can find a juicy steer and just maw… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
