Funny Quotes · Page 358

Decide whether you want to be liked or admired.

— Eve Ensler

Peace will come when people have food.

— Momofuku Ando

Every city began as a campsite - pg. 25

— Chris Ware

We're quietly aching for something to celebrate

— Mark Nepo

There's bad and then there's EDDY CURRY BAD.

— Chris Rock

Art disturbs, science reassures.

— Georges Braque

What you can become you are already.

— Christian Friedrich Hebbel

The equation for ego is: One over Knowledge.

— Albert Einstein

'The Santa Claus' with Tim Allen, I watch it in July. I think he's so funny.

— Patrick Corbin

The extent of the atonement is defined by the intent of the atonement.

— Steve Lawson

But when one has ceased to have them, too often one cannot.

— F. H. Bradley

“A brick and a blanket are the perfect symbols for the superhero Captain Dense.”

— Nicole McKay

Here's a guy who can use his arms and legs at the same time.

— John Madden

My wife is so funny and talented and never lets anybody fail next to her.

— Mark Consuelos

I try to take it one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.

— Anonymous

Love doesn't try to be efficient; when it is most extravagant, it is least wasted.

— Bob Goff

“Nico: By the time I drove back home last night, I’d gotten myself under control. I’d reasoned with my hard-on until it…

— Vi Keeland

Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men…

— Rita Rudner

SINCERE PRAY TO GOD!! I'm not asking for me I want something 4 my mother JUST SEND MY MOTHER A COOL AND…

— Kand3n

“Noah held my hand and my bag as he escorted me to the third floor - the Women's Pavilion. The elevator bell…

— Katie McGarry

Anybody pretending to be anything other than who you really are-you will never, ever reach your personal potential.

— Oprah Winfrey

I really like Akshay Kumar. He can be funny and weird while at the same time. His films are always interesting and…

— Kiku Sharda

The little dictator who went to Moscow in his green fatigues to receive a bear hug did not forsake the doctrine of…

— Ronald Reagan

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up,…

— Steven Wright

Conscience gets expensive, doesn't it?

— Saul

I know Im crazy. Dont ruin my moment.

— Nate

In sports, as in love, one can never pretend.

— Rita Mae Brown

RAISIN: A grape with a sunburn.

— Nikhil Saluja

Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.

— Ellen DeGeneres

Im just interested in what makes a photograph.

— Mary Ellen Mark

He who treads softly goes far.

— Dale Carnegie

Every woman is the gift of a world to me.

— Heinrich Heine

I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.

— Dane Cook

You are what you do, not what you say.

— David Suzuki

I don't know what frightens me more

— Gregory David Roberts

When filming, I like to travel with an instrument.

— Logan Lerman

I love kids; I think they are fun and funny.

— Anonymous

Witty and mean is easy - but fond and funny is hard.

— Steven Moffat

If my life was a reality show, I'd send everyone home.

— Green Monk

K is the shortest way to spell FUCK YOU !

— Nikhil Saluja