How u know between your real friend's and your fake friend's but a twinty dollar$ bill' on the table. — Isaiah El Copy Share Image
It must be possible for an empirical system to be refuted by experience. — Karl Popper Copy Share Image
There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I don't like people whose job it isn't to be funny, to tell me what is and isn't funny. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when you have a thousand tabs open and one starts talking; 'CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WON!' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You know, I love airplane food. I'm not being funny; I'm not being ironic. It reminds me of being 12 years old… — Josh Freese Copy Share Image
In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors. — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds… — Tucker Max Copy Share Image
I think that it's hard for vain people to be funny. I think you can look any way you want as long… — Taran Killam Copy Share Image
If mini skirts today get any shorter... women will have two more lips to paint, two more cheeks to powder, and a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Never KISS a lady police, She will say, hands up. Never KISS a lady doctor, She will say, Next please Always KISS… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“When she emerged, Keith was watching the tiny round window of the under-the-counter washing machine. "Put your clothes in for a wash,"… — Maureen Johnson Copy Share Image
“Felicia (to Grayson) - To think Eliza truly does seem to be under the misimpression that you're capable of charm.” — Jen Turano Copy Share Image
