Fun prank idea: Replace all of the songs on someone's iPod with the Kid Bop versions — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A woman never sees what we do for her, she only sees what we don't do. — Georges Courteline Copy Share Image
People are like, 'How did you get so funny?' And I'm like, 'Wait, am I funny?' — Sarah Cooper Copy Share Image
Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but you're on Twitter instead — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe! — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
“Ernie thought—what’s the expression?—that he had a couple of kangaroos loose in the top paddock.” — Louis Nowra Copy Share Image
I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow anything. Hey, how about some celery? Plus, if I tore your legs off,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
It's funny about men and women. Men pay in cash to get them and pay in cash to get rid of them.… — Hedy Lamarr Copy Share Image
Reverence is the chief joy and power of life - reverence for that which is pure and bright in youth; for what… — John Ruskin Copy Share Image
“We already have the Wooden Pillar, the Steel Pillar and the Plastic Pillar. In a moment we will have the Golden Bail…'… — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
It's funny; we never had anything like credibility. Even though we all have some sort of punk-rock background, but so what? I… — Mark McGrath Copy Share Image
THE AWKWARD MOMENT: When you look up from your phone & the person you have been following around the supermarket, isn't your Mom. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My 'Dunkirk' co-star Harry Styles deals with some crazy fan stuff, but he's a very down-to-earth, lovely, funny guy. — Fionn Whitehead Copy Share Image
Let's examine the dog mind: Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He can't believe that you've accomplished this again.… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
