Funny Quotes · Page 179

There is magic in patience, you know.

— Zedd

This is funny even though I'm blonde.

— Anonymous

Uniformity and Evolution are one.

— Charles Lapworth

What you can't be with, won't let you be.

— Debbie Ford

I'm remotely attracted to televisions.

— Green Monk

We don't owe the blacks a damn thing, anyway.

— Richard M. Nixon

First you put in, then you get out.

— Brian Tracy

It's hard to fight when you're in a gazebo.

— Mitch Hedberg

I am interested only in the unknown and I work for my own astonishment.

— Roberto Matta

I have no agenda except to be funny. Neither I nor the writers profess to offer any worldly wisdom.

— Julia Louis-Dreyfus

I predict Obama will get an early lead, then all the Republicans will get off of work.

— Anonymous

My dad had a great sense of humor; he was a very funny guy and did know how to laugh.

— Mary L. Trump

“So you thought you could shit and eat at the same time. How disgustingly convenient.”

— Nenia Campbell

Friends feel rude when they go in your cupboards; best friends don't even ask!

— Anonymous

Those guys were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.

— Nikhil Saluja

If the knocking at the door is loud and long, it is not opportunity, it is your relatives.

— Vikrant Parsai

Being serious is serious business in fiction. It's commercial or hoi polloi in fiction to be funny. It's too accessible to the…

— Joshua Ferris

Those Penis enlargement pills you have been taking must be working. You are a bigger Dick today than you were last week.

— Anonymous

“He twisted at the waist and stretched out on his side. “You’re a bit crazy. You throw apples in people’s faces when…

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

“Most sane human beings who have managed to attain and retain fame each uses it to dramatically increase their name’s chances of…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

A male inmate promised a female prison guard, If you help me escape, I'll marry you. This is an example of using…

— Green Monk

“Phi cang Saigon Tansonnhut" "He puzzled at the meaning and smiled inwardly. The sign probably said, “Welcome and Affectionate Salutations to All…

— Tony Taylor

A lot of the things I say I'm just trying to be funny... I don't really mean everything I say, because I'm…

— Paris Hilton

[conductor Eugene Ormandy introduces Warfield to the audience in an unintentionally humorous way:] With us tonight is William Warfield, who is with…

— Eugene Ormandy

Shut up, I know what I'm doing!

— Muhammad Ali

Humor is, by its nature, more truthful than factual.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I don't like being shouted at.

— Lesley Nicol

Is your money that good, will it buy you forgiveness?

— Bob Dylan

Only those who seek shall find.

— Robin Sharma

Like this because you have nothing else better to do.

— Damia

Style essentially appeared out of what I liked to do.

— Robert Genn

Money doesn't bring happiness, but shopping does

— Hussein Nishah

I miss you like my dog misses his favorite bone.

— Anonymous

I Met Her On Internet…it was Love from first click!

— Green Monk

Say unto thine own heart, 'I am mine own redeemer.

— Anton Szandor LaVey

Debt is a cleverly managed reconquest of Africa

— Thomas Sankara

Nothing can be preserved that is not good.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

We are here for God's designs, not for our own

— Oswald Chambers

I cannot convert men; I can only proclaim the Gospel

— Dwight L. Moody

I'm not just a candidate, I'm the President

— Barack Obama