... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I have a hold limit that I've set for myself. I hold until I start to imagine myself killing the person on… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Never play peek-a-boo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
At the end of every year, I add up the time that I have spent on the phone on hold and subtract… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how everything works;… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
