Comedian Quotes · Page 17

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

— Louis C. K

I'm not a comedian. And I'm not sick. The world is sick, and I'm the doctor. I'm a surgeon with a scalpel…

— Lenny Bruce

I was influenced by every comedian I ever saw work. That's the only way you learn how to do it.

— Bob Newhart

I've always thought of myself as an African-American comedian, African-American man, everything.

— Jordan Peele

I'm not a natural comedian, as an artist. I studied comedy growing up. I would watch Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy and Martin…

— Brandon T. Jackson

A man only learns by two things; one is reading and the other is association with smarter people.

— Will Rogers

I'm not a broad comedy guy. I've been funny in movies, but I'm not a comedian. I'm an actor who's sometimes funny.

— Matthew Lillard

If people leave the house wanting to see a comedian, they want to see someone speak out for themselves and share true…

— James Acaster

When I was seven, I said, "I want to act." When I was 10, I realized that films exist, and I wanted…

— Eddie Izzard

I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust…

— Dennis Miller

The tragedian will always be a limited tragedian if he has not learned how to laugh. The comedian who cannot weep will…

— Ellen Terry

When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're…

— Rich Hall

Because I'm around comedians all the time, in my downtime I tend not to watch comedy. Something the whole family enjoys is…

— Nina Conti

To have a comedian stand up and use the shield of irony and the sword of truth, you're there to point out…

— Omid Djalili

I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I…

— Steven Wright

A weird sort of awareness set in, like, 'Wow. My stand-up isn't just separate from everything else I do anymore.' With Twitter…

— Colin Quinn

Performing as a musician is a lot different than performing as an actor. As an actor, you can hide behind the character…

— Billy Crudup

Now, I want to explain something to you guys. I don't have an ending joke, because I don't tell jokes. I tell…

— Bruce Bruce

Well, human rights defenders, freedom of speech advocates, lawyers that we spoke to said this is really an expansion. After the military…

— Leila Fadel

I think comedians get too much credit or too much criticism for the style of comedy they do, and they generally do…

— Jim Gaffigan

I don't come from a comedy background or a stand-up background, but I think that sometimes there's a misconception that an actor…

— Darren Boyd

What happened to me is I gained a little weight so I could be more accessible to people. They're not like, 'Oh…

— Adam DeVine

You know, in Los Angeles, you're constantly in your car, you're sealed up, you're not walking around. Whereas in New York, after…

— Patton Oswalt

You want to have the experience. As far as the creative side, the more I do this, the more I know that…

— Wes Bentley

I've never seen myself as a victim because of my physicality. If I did play that game, I wouldn't be the comedian…

— Ralphie May

I was just a young guy who was excited to become a comedian and an actor and I just wanted to get…

— Adam Sandler

For aspiring comedians? Don't listen to me. Just go on stage and do what you think is funny.

— Bill Burr

A jolly feel good film with Vadivelu playing the comedian along with Rajni at his humourous best is 'Chandramukhi.'

— P. Vasu

I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians…

— Demetri Martin

I sometimes throw in a couple of swears just to keep the Christian right off my tail. I wouldn't want to be…

— Gary Gulman

People look upon me primarily as a comedian. I'm trying to get away from that, though I do like comedy.

— Fred MacMurray

My influences as a comedian and filmmaker are Albert Brooks, Lenny Bruce, Woody Allen, Andy Kaufman and John Cassevettes.

— Sam Seder

Being a comedian, it's hard. People hear 'YouTuber,' and they automatically think, 'a social warrior,' and you have to stand up for…

— Shane Dawson

I like the ironic pomposity of a stand-up comedian. Like all those comedians thinking they can bring down Coca-Cola. They forget to…

— Ricky Gervais

I'm a Sit Down Stand Up Comedian, whatever the hell that is. Maybe a writer with a short attention span and one…

— Rock Cowles

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

— George Carlin

I’ve come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me…

— John Fugelsang

I am not an educator and I'm not a journalist. I am a comedian. But I do truly believe that the point…

— Adam Conover

Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'

— Joan Rivers

Being a professional comedian is doing it right and good, when you don't feel like it.

— Franklyn Ajaye