Bible Quotes by Mark Twain

It's not the parts of the Bible I don't know that worries me...it's the parts that I do.

— Mark Twain

[The Bible is] a mass of fables and traditions, mere mythology.

— Mark Twain

You may be the only Bible somebody else reads.

— Mark Twain

The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.

— Mark Twain

The Bible is a wonderful book; you can prove anything you want with it.

— Mark Twain

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

— Mark Twain

When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know.

— Mark Twain

God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.

— Mark Twain

These people´s God has shown them by a million acts that he respects none of the Bible´s statues. He breaks every one…

— Mark Twain

More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the [biblical] texts that authorised them remain.

— Mark Twain

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.

— Mark Twain

Adam was not alone in the Garden of Eden, however, and does not deserve all the credit; much is due to Eve,…

— Mark Twain

The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.

— Mark Twain

In my schoolboy days I had no aversion to slavery. I was not aware there was anything wrong about it. No-one arraigned…

— Mark Twain

Our Bible reveals to us the character of our god with minute and remorseless exactness... It is perhaps the most damnatory biography…

— Mark Twain

“Wherever he found his speech growing too modern -- which was about every sentence or two -- he ladled in a few…

— Mark Twain

There is one notable thing about our Christianity: bad, bloody, merciless, money-grabbing and predatory as it is - in our country particularly,…

— Mark Twain

Protestant parents still keep a Bible handy in the house, so that the children can study it, and one of the first…

— Mark Twain

When a library expels a book of mine and leaves an unexpurgated Bible lying around where unprotected youth and age can get…

— Mark Twain

“It is full of interest, it has noble poetry in it and some clever fables and some blood drenched history, some good…

— Mark Twain

“In your country and mine we should have the privilege of making fun of this kind of morality, but it would be…

— Mark Twain

“There is one notable thing about our Christianity: bad, bloody, merciless, money-grabbing and predatory as it is -- in our country particularly,…

— Mark Twain

“Adam is fading out. It is on account of Darwin and that crowd. I can see that he is not going to…

— Mark Twain

It is believed by everyone that when he was in heaven he was stern, hard, resentful, jealous and cruel, but that when…

— Mark Twain

The Bible is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some…

— Mark Twain

The Christian Bible is a drug store. It´s contents have remained the same but the medical practice continues. For 1,800 years these…

— Mark Twain

“Sunday morning came – next day the battalions would leave for the front; the church was filled; the volunteers were there, their…

— Mark Twain

“A God who could make good children as easily a bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every…

— Mark Twain

The world has corrected the Bible. The church never corrects it; and also never fails to drop in at the tail of…

— Mark Twain

There has never been a Protestant boy nor a Protestant girl whose mind the Bible has not soiled.

— Mark Twain

To trust the God of the Bible is to trust an irascible, vindictive, fierce and ever fickle and changeful master.

— Mark Twain

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I…

— Mark Twain

The English are mentioned in the Bible; Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

— Mark Twain

The two Testaments are interesting, each in its own way. The Old one gives us a picture of these people's Deity as…

— Mark Twain