“So now I'm getting my gown made by an exclusive seamstress, and all thos anorexic whores on Michigan Avenue and Oak Street who made me feel like the Goodyear blimp can kiss the very fattest part of my ass.” — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“donut can give you the kind of hug from inside that celery just can’t muster.” — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
I never ever, ever say anything against my husband to anyone except my husband. Everyone gets in fights, and I think the natural propensity… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
Despite my best efforts, I'm not quite perfect. Let's just say I'm like one of those Hopi blankets where they leave a tiny flaw… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
Fletch then kisses me on the forehead before opening the cabinet under the coffeemaker to grab placemats and napkins. Retrieving these items is his… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“If I were a lesbian and had a thing for narcissistic ex-sorority girls? I’d totally do me." Bitter is the New Black: Confessions of… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“I feel like my takeaway from tonight is that it's okay to love shitty television, provided that you make an effort to appreciate other… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
You know what it was like? It was like thinking I was heading to a surprise party and instead it was a surprise pap… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“But there's always a chance she's hiding a flask and a Nixon-esque Enemies List in her pinafore apron, which is exactly why we're such… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“Cost to clean deeply soiled rugs: $200. Cost to replace shiny, black, stack-heeled, pilgrim-toed boots: $185. Cost to fix every single delicious table and… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“I love the French and Italian church paintings from the Middle Ages. But I'm also interested to learn more about who was the first… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“You know why I love HGTV? It's not just that I get a peek into other people's lives. It's that everyone's always thrilled with… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
I yearn to be a woman of more depth, but I'm not so fond of the path I'd need to follow to get there. — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
