P. J. O'Rourke

Liberals have invented whole college majors - psychology, sociology and women's studies - to prove that nothing is anybody's fault.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I spent almost 25 years as a foreign correspondent, and the world's primary problem is poverty.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Excessive speed and quantity are, like chattiness and digression, besetting sins of cyber-assisted authorship.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Apparently Bolivia is the key source of lithium in the world. So we're gonna trade the Saudis for the Bolivians.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

— P. J. O'Rourke

The words 'Space Age' have a quaint, nostalgic tone - sitting on midcentury modern furniture watching 'The Jetsons.'

— P. J. O'Rourke

The motorcycle is a device created by the team of God and Darwin to rid the world of useless young males.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I remember thinking cocaine was subtle until I noticed I'd been awake for three weeks and didn't know any of the naked…

— P. J. O'Rourke

At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and…

— P. J. O'Rourke

When I board an airplane these days, all the middle-aged men are dressed like me - when I was an 8-year-old. They're…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Mankind is supposed to have evolved in the treetops. But I have examined my sense of balance, the prehensility of my various…

— P. J. O'Rourke

America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don't think that way. We don't think much at all, thank God. Start thinking…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Many reporters, when they go to work in the nation's capital, begin thinking of themselves as participants in the political process instead…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Our earliest evidence of government, in the ruins of Babylon and Egypt, shows nothing but ziggurats and pyramids of wasted taxpayer money,…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I believe that Western civilization, after some disgusting glitches, has become almost civilized. I believe it is our first duty to protect…

— P. J. O'Rourke

As a result of that, and as a result of friendship, I don't think we've ever been competitive. I mean, there's probably…

— P. J. O'Rourke

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Once you've built the big machinery of political power, remember you won't always be the one to run it.

— P. J. O'Rourke

“Americans appreciate bad taste or America wouldn’t look the way America does.”

— P. J. O'Rourke

Think about last time you were broke ... now how well did it go with spending your way out of it? Did…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I'm a member of the working press; you'd think I'd know better than to listen to journalists.

— P. J. O'Rourke

This country is so urbanized we think low-fat milk comes from cows on Nutri/System weight-loss plans.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Haitians weren't screwed-up, but everything political, intellectual, and material around them is.

— P. J. O'Rourke

The idea of capitalism is not just success but also the failure that allows success to happen.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Nancy Pelosi says the angry opposition to health care reform is like the angry opposition to gay rights that led to Harvey…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Women are successful in the business world because the business world was created by men. Men are babies. And women areGood With…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Jack Abramoff is the world's best lobbyist - for the Federal Penitentiary System.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Who, other than a crazy person, does anything besides hang up on a robo-call? Any call, any person, anywhere, under any circumstances.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Just as some things are too strange for fiction, others are too true for journalism.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Distracting a politician from governing is like distracting a bear from eating your baby.

— P. J. O'Rourke

In Western Australia they don't even know how to make that vital piece of sailboating equipment, the gin and tonic.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Politicians will talk strategy and tactics and policies and programs until they're blue in the face, or you strangle them and they…

— P. J. O'Rourke

The real alternative to power of the rich is not power of the poor. It's just plain power.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Detroits industrial ruins are picturesque, like crumbling Rome in an 18th-century etching.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Some women want the strong silent type, so they can tell him to shut up and rearrange the furniture.

— P. J. O'Rourke

One of the few benefits of being a journalist is that you're not in the Army.

— P. J. O'Rourke

War expands government powers. The trouble is that, when the war goes away, the government powers do not.

— P. J. O'Rourke

America's public schools have served their purpose. Free and compulsory education was good for a somewhat unpromising young nation.

— P. J. O'Rourke

These were people who believed everything about the Soviet Union was perfect, but they were bringing their own toilet paper.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Whenever people tell you they are going to wipe the slate clean, it's your slate they mean to wipe.

— P. J. O'Rourke