I'm 61 years old. I'm not that fearful of the future, period. I'm not going to see that much of it. — P. J. O'Rourke Fear Copy Share Image
We journalists don't have to step on roaches. All we have to do is turn on the kitchen light and watch the… — P. J. O'Rourke Critters Copy Share Image
As murderous industrial magnates go, Alfred Nobel is right up there with Ray Kroc, franchiser of McDonald's. — P. J. O'Rourke Food Copy Share Image
Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is. — P. J. O'Rourke Fish Copy Share Image
Humor is a terrific tool for explaining things, especially when what you're explaining is frightening or dull and complicated. — P. J. O'Rourke Comedy Copy Share Image
I think Michael O'Donoghue felt he'd said what he wanted to say. In fact, nobody thought we could spin it out long… — P. J. O'Rourke Book Copy Share Image
'You're stupid,' is not something even his most severe critics usually say to President Barack Obama. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A world government run by the UN will be like getting an old, purblind, half-deaf substitute teacher. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Think what evil creeps liberals would be if their plans to enfeeble the individual, exhaust the economy, impede the rule of law,… — P. J. O'Rourke Coherent Copy Share Image
Global warming is a fact. Now it's up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial importance in preventing… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If the wind is blowing like stink and everything is working right, a twelve-meter sailboat can go eleven and a half or… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A lot of newspaper columns used to be written in a rat-a-tat-tat, fast-paced style - and they tended to be funny. They… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Soldiers are not policemen, and it's very unfair, even for those soldiers who have some police training, to burden them with police… — P. J. O'Rourke Burden Copy Share Image
Israel is slightly smaller than New Jersey. Moses in effect led the tribes of Israel out of the District of Columbia, parted… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
During the mid-1980s dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“The sternest commissar and the wildest hippie both share the same daydream: that a thing can be worth other than people are… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions. — P. J. O'Rourke Afghans Copy Share Image
A deadly sins addendum is long overdue. Life has changed since Pope Gregory the Great scribbled his initial list in the sixth… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The purpose of the Senate is to keep 100 middle aged knuckleheads out of the private sector where they can do real harm. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The idea of a world where all people are alike - in wealth or in anything else - is a fantasy for… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Never steal anything so small that you'll have to go to an unpleasant city jail for it instead of a minimum-security federal… — P. J. O'Rourke Advice Copy Share Image
I blame feminism and Facebook for the death of the American automobile. I'm a Republican, so I blame everything on feminism -… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The dominant type of humor in the '60s was essentially defensive and self-deprecating, using humor as a shield. — P. J. O'Rourke Comedy Copy Share Image
Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I always thought there was some romance to that '30s leftist stuff, even though I'm a Republican. — P. J. O'Rourke Leftists Copy Share Image
In Japan people drive on the left. In China people drive on the right. In Vietnam it doesn't matter. — P. J. O'Rourke China Copy Share Image
There are lots of levels of fear and complaint about the government getting involved in business. First and foremost, of course, is… — P. J. O'Rourke Business Copy Share Image
People who are wise, good, smart, skillful, or hardworking don't need politics, they have jobs. — P. J. O'Rourke Good smart Copy Share Image
You don't despair about something like the Middle East, you just do the best you can. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“No, everything will not be all right if we just talk it over, face facts, use our noodles.” — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Marijuana is self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive, and in this world, what worse punishment could there be? — P. J. O'Rourke Crime Copy Share Image
If Disney still wants to make Epcot Center futuristic, they could do so by blowing the place up with an atom bomb. — P. J. O'Rourke Atom bomb Copy Share Image
Why can't death - if we must have it - be always glorious, as in 'The Iliad?' — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Nobel Peace Prize has always been a joke - albeit a grim one. Alfred Bernhard Nobel famously invented dynamite and felt… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Popular culture has become engorged, broadening and thickening until it's the only culture anyone notices. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Because of their cuisine, Germans don't consider farting rude. They'd certainly be out of luck if they did. — P. J. O'Rourke Cuisine Copy Share Image
Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border. — P. J. O'Rourke Africa Copy Share Image
That happy sense of purpose people have when standing up for a principle they haven't really been knocked down for yet. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The 1960s was an era of big thoughts. And yet, amazingly, each of these thoughts could fit on a T-shirt. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
