Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met. — Erma Bombeck Crocodiles Copy Share Image
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. — Erma Bombeck Fear Copy Share Image
I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat. — Erma Bombeck Bored Copy Share Image
I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. — Erma Bombeck Bravery Copy Share Image
Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old. — Erma Bombeck Shopping Copy Share Image
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I became hysterical and frightened and begged for sedation. And that was just the first prenatal visit. — Erma Bombeck Childbirth Copy Share Image
Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
A fitting room to me has always been like a confessional ... where my body and my contrition take up the entire room. — Erma Bombeck Body Copy Share Image
What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere? — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches… — Erma Bombeck Arizona Copy Share Image
Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Most mothers entering the labor market outside the home are naive. They stagger home each evening, holding mail in their teeth, the… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I was a closet pacifier advocate. So were most of my friends. Unknown to our mothers, we owned thirty or forty of… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, 'Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams.'… — Erma Bombeck Acting Copy Share Image
I learned the importance of a man's chair early in life. I learned that he may love several wives, embrace several cars,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Someday, when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a mother, I'll tell them: I loved you enough… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing… Thinking back on it all, it must have been the… — Erma Bombeck Charting Copy Share Image
He opened the jar of pickles when no one else could. He was the only one in the house who wasn't afraid… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“For from this day forward his world can only widen. An existence that began in a crib, grew to a house, and… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“ If I had my life to live over... Someone asked me the other day if I had my life to live… — Erma Bombeck Ice cream Copy Share Image
