When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in… — Dov Davidoff Angry Copy Share Image
People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn. — Dov Davidoff Commitment Copy Share Image
Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny. — Dov Davidoff Comedy Copy Share Image
Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Another thing rappers, I admire your rebellious spirit, but materialism is a form of mental slavery. Slow down on the jewelry, pick… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Patriotism for the sake of is like choosing sides in a war based on the color of their uniforms. — Dov Davidoff Choosing sides Copy Share Image
A lot of people wouldn't feel miserable in this environment. A lot of people aren't dating my girlfriend. — Dov Davidoff Dating Copy Share Image
I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well. — Dov Davidoff Gay Copy Share Image
Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you. — Dov Davidoff Girl Copy Share Image
The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
We're born alone and we die alone. So in between, let's spend time with people that make us feel good... or at… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Great marriages are like the Higgs Boson particle, its existence has been theorized, but no one has ever seen one. — Dov Davidoff Existence Copy Share Image
Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in… — Dov Davidoff Animal Copy Share Image
Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them. — Dov Davidoff Boobs Copy Share Image
If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron. — Dov Davidoff Adults Copy Share Image
I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I like to be able to connect with people. And that's how I connect, right away. I like to really talk to… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Whenever I'm around people it causes me to feel nostalgic for the loneliness that drove me into their presence in the first… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're… — Dov Davidoff Close friends Copy Share Image
Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing. — Dov Davidoff Dancing Copy Share Image
I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my… — Dov Davidoff Economy Copy Share Image
I have a sneaking suspicion that leading an examined life and being really tan aren't consistent with one another. — Dov Davidoff Being real Copy Share Image
Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Sex sells, unless you're dehydrated in which case you'd be much more likely to purchase water. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Vegas; one of the few places still encouraging men in their fifties to dress like their in a boy-band from the 80's. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had… — Dov Davidoff Angry Copy Share Image
Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw… — Dov Davidoff Dating Copy Share Image
Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Women often use large fake breasts like a gun, pointing the weapon at you in an attempt to garner the attention their… — Dov Davidoff Attention Copy Share Image
At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Coming to terms with my feelings of worthlessness isn't always a bad time, but it's rarely a good one. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
